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{{Other uses}}
{{Other uses}}
{{Redirect |Double date|other uses|Double date (disambiguation)}}
{{Redirect |Double date|other uses|Double date (disambiguation)}}
{{Technical reasons|Dating #NoFilter|television series|Dating NoFilter}}
{{Technical reasons|Dating #NoFilter|the television series|Dating NoFilter}}
{{Close Relationships}}
{{Close Relationships}}
'''Dating''' is a stage of [[Romance (love)|romantic relationships]] in which two individuals engage in an activity together, most often with the intention of evaluating each other's suitability as a partner in a future [https://t.afago.pro/click?pid=29712&offer_id=25 intimate relationship]. It falls into the category of [[courtship]], consisting of [[Socializing|social events]] carried out by the couple either alone or with others.
'''Dating''' is a stage of [[Romance (love)|romantic relationships]] in which two individuals regularly engage in activity together, most often with the intention of evaluating each other's suitability as a partner in a future [[intimate relationship]]. It falls into the category of [[courtship]], consisting of [[Socializing|social events]] carried out by the couple either alone or with others.


The [[first date]] is important, sometimes for making a good [[First impression (psychology)|first impression]], or because dating may lead to a more serious relationship, or a [[breakup]], or [[friendzoning]]. If the relationship progresses, the next steps may include meeting the parents or other family, [[cohabitation]], [[engagement]] and [[marriage]]. Even after the relationship develops, couples still may organize a date or "date night".
The meaning of the word dating shifted after the [[sexual revolution]] to include a more informal use referring to a [[Romance (love)|romantic]], [[Sexual attraction|sexual]] relationship itself beyond an introductory or trial stage, but prior to [[marriage]]. Although informal, this meaning is very common and is used in formal speech as well as writing. {{cn span|Although taboo across most of the world for much of history,|date=September 2023}} [[premarital sex]] has become increasingly common within the last century, beginning with the onset of the [[sexual revolution]]. Across a greater number of portrayals in film, television, and music, sex within dating has become increasingly accepted as a natural progression of the relationship.{{TOC limit}}

With the internet, many [[dating sites]] have been created to modernize the [[personals]] section of newspapers as a way to find prospective partners. [[Speed dating]], [[Blind date|blind dating]], and the use of [[matchmaking]] are all possible ways of beginning the dating process. [[Group dating]] is a modern dating practice especially popular in Japan.


== Etymology ==
== Etymology ==
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While the term ''dating'' has many meanings, the most common refers to a trial period in which two people explore whether to take the relationship further towards a more permanent relationship; in this sense, dating refers to the time when people are physically together in public as opposed to the earlier time period in which people are arranging the date, perhaps by corresponding by email or text or phone.<ref name="twsDecH27der5" />
While the term ''dating'' has many meanings, the most common refers to a trial period in which two people explore whether to take the relationship further towards a more permanent relationship; in this sense, dating refers to the time when people are physically together in public as opposed to the earlier time period in which people are arranging the date, perhaps by corresponding by email or text or phone.<ref name="twsDecH27der5" />


Another meaning of the term ''dating'' is to describe a stage in a person's life when he or she is actively pursuing romantic relationships with different people. If two unmarried celebrities are seen in public together, they are often described as "dating" which means they were seen in public together, and it is not clear whether they are merely friends, exploring a more intimate relationship, or are romantically involved. A related sense of the term is when two people have been out in public only a few times but have not yet committed to a relationship; in this sense, ''dating'' describes an initial trial period and can be contrasted with "being in a committed relationship".
Another meaning of the term ''dating'' is to describe a stage in a person's life when they are actively pursuing romantic relationships with different people. If two unmarried celebrities are seen in public together, they are often described as "dating" which means they were seen in public together, and it is not clear whether they are merely friends, exploring a more intimate relationship, or are romantically involved. A related sense of the term is when two people have been out in public only a few times but have not yet committed to a relationship; in this sense, ''dating'' describes an initial trial period and can be contrasted with "being in a committed relationship".

==== United Kingdom ====
[[File:Frédéric Soulacroix - Flirtation 2.jpg|thumb|right|Flirting, aristocratic-style<br />Painting by Frédéric Soulacroix (1858–1933)]]
In Britain, if two people are 'going out together,' it may mean they are dating but that their relationship has advanced to a relatively long-standing and sexual boyfriend-girlfriend relationship although they're not cohabiting. Although Britons are familiar with the term ''dating,'' the rituals surrounding courtship are somewhat different from those commonly found in [[North America]].

== As a social relationship ==
{{Main|Courtship}}


=== Wide variation in behavior patterns ===
== Wide variation in behavior patterns ==
[[File:Mary Poppins8.jpg|thumb|right|[[Julie Andrews]] as [[Mary Poppins (character)|Mary Poppins]]]]
[[File:Mary Poppins8.jpg|thumb|right|[[Julie Andrews]] as [[Mary Poppins (character)|Mary Poppins]]]]
{{Blockquote|text=And the only rule is that there are no rules.|sign=[[Kira Cochrane]]<ref name=twsDecH27a134kcc>{{cite news
{{Blockquote|text=And the only rule is that there are no rules.|sign=[[Kira Cochrane]]<ref name=twsDecH27a134kcc>{{cite news
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|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref>}}
}}</ref>}}
Social rules regarding dating vary considerably according to variables such as social class, race, religion, age, sexual orientation and gender. Behavior patterns are generally unwritten and constantly changing. There are considerable differences between social and personal [[Value (personal and cultural)|values]].
Social rules regarding dating vary considerably according to variables such as social class, race, religion, age, sexual orientation and gender. Behavior patterns and [[dating preferences]] are generally unwritten and constantly changing. There are considerable differences between social and personal [[Value (personal and cultural)|values]].


Since dating can be stressful, there is the possibility of humor to try to reduce tensions. For example, director [[Blake Edwards]] wanted to date singing star [[Julie Andrews]], and he joked in parties about her persona by saying that her "endlessly cheerful governess" image from movies such as ''[[Mary Poppins (film)|Mary Poppins]]'' and ''[[The Sound of Music (film)|The Sound of Music]]'' gave her the image of possibly having "lilacs for pubic hair";<ref name="twsDecQ">{{cite news
Since dating can be stressful, there is the possibility of humor to try to reduce tensions. For example, director [[Blake Edwards]] wanted to date singing star [[Julie Andrews]], and he joked in parties about her persona by saying that her "endlessly cheerful governess" image from movies such as ''[[Mary Poppins (film)|Mary Poppins]]'' and ''[[The Sound of Music (film)|The Sound of Music]]'' gave her the image of possibly having "lilacs for pubic hair";<ref name="twsDecQ">{{cite news
Line 51: Line 46:
}}</ref> Andrews appreciated his humor, sent him lilacs, dated him and later married him, and the couple stayed together for 41 years until his death in 2010.<ref name="twsDecQ" />
}}</ref> Andrews appreciated his humor, sent him lilacs, dated him and later married him, and the couple stayed together for 41 years until his death in 2010.<ref name="twsDecQ" />


=== Evaluation ===
=== Gendered norms and preferences===
{{Main|Gender essentialism}}
One of the main purposes of dating is for two or more people to evaluate one another's suitability as a long-term companion or spouse. <ref>Lori Jean Glass. "Dating with purpose" Pivot 10.5 (2022) |url=https://www.lovetopivot.com/dating-with-a-purpose/ {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20220717042547/https://www.lovetopivot.com/dating-with-a-purpose/ |date=2022-07-17 }}</ref> Often physical characteristics, personality, financial status, and other aspects of the involved persons are judged and, as a result, feelings can be hurt, and confidence shaken. Because of the uncertainty of the whole situation, the desire to be acceptable to the other person, and the possibility of rejection, dating can be very stressful for all parties involved. Some studies have shown that dating tends to be extremely difficult for people with [[social anxiety disorder]].<ref>Stevens, Sarah B., and Tracy L. Morris. "College dating and social anxiety: Using the Internet as a means of connecting to others." CyberPsychology & Behavior 10.5 (2007): 680-688.</ref>
Gendered heterosexual dating norms include men asking women on dates, men planning and paying for dates, men proposing exclusivity, men proposing marriage to women.<ref name="d673">{{cite journal | last1=Samardzic | first1=Tanja | last2=Barata | first2=Paula C. | last3=Morton | first3=Mavis | last4=Yen | first4=Jeffery | title="It Doesn't Feel Like You Can Win": Young Women's Talk About Heterosexual Relationships | journal=Psychology of Women Quarterly | publisher=SAGE Publications | volume=47 | issue=1 | date=13 November 2022 | issn=0361-6843 | doi=10.1177/03616843221135571 | doi-access=free | pages=127–143| pmid=36742155 | pmc=9893301 }}</ref> Gendered heterosexual dating norms for women generally include either accepting or rejecting men's initiatives and avoiding overt initiative.<ref name="p358"/>


[[Online dating]] patterns suggest that men are more likely to initiate online exchanges (over 75%) and extrapolate that men are less "choosy", seek younger women, and "cast a wide net".<ref name=twsDecZb19 /> One common gendered [[dating preferences|dating preference]] is that heterosexual men prefer women's [[physical attractiveness]] more than reverse.<ref name=twsDecH22 /><ref name=twsDecM18>{{cite magazine
While some of what happens on a date is guided by an understanding of basic, unspoken rules, there is considerable room to experiment, and there are numerous sources of advice available.<ref name=twsDecZb19 /><ref name=twsDecH28fsf4>{{cite news
|author= Judi James
|title= Language of love
|newspaper= The Guardian
|date= 28 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-body-language-signals
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151224225145/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-body-language-signals
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH34m /> Sources of advice include magazine articles,<ref name=twsDecH27der5>{{cite news
|author= Marc Zakian
|title= Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= If you are rejected or ignored, remember that it is not about you. Don't focus on one person...
|date= 26 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151224203906/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|url-status= live
}}</ref> self-help books, [[dating coach]]es, friends, and many other sources.<ref name=twsDecUcc>{{cite news
|author= Alex Benzer
|title= Why The Smartest People Have The Toughest Time Dating
|work= Huffington Post
|quote= the following dating challenges seem to be common to most smart people. In fact, the smarter you are, the more clueless you will be, and the more problems you're going to have in your dating life.
|date= March 2, 2009
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/why-the-smartest-people-h_b_169939.html
|access-date= 2010-12-21
|archive-date= 2011-05-11
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110511153904/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/why-the-smartest-people-h_b_169939.html
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecQbb>{{cite news
|author= Ali Binazir
|title= Why Do Smart Guys Have A Tough Time Dating?
|work= Huffington Post
|quote= Here were smart, funny, good-looking guys surrounded by single women who were dying to be asked out – and not a whole lot was happening.
|date= February 8, 2010
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-ali-binazir/why-do-smart-guys-have-a_b_452874.html
|access-date= 2010-12-17
|archive-date= 2011-04-16
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110416040021/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-ali-binazir/why-do-smart-guys-have-a_b_452874.html
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecU13>{{cite news
|author= Jennifer 8. Lee
|title= A How-To on Dating and Dumping
|work= The New York Times
|quote= About 60 percent of New York respondents said that men should pay on the first date,
|date= February 2, 2009
|url= http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/02/a-how-to-on-dating-and-dumping/
|access-date= 2010-12-21
|archive-date= 2010-02-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100224212552/http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/02/a-how-to-on-dating-and-dumping/
|url-status= live
}}</ref> And the advice given can pertain to all facets of dating, including such aspects as where to go, what to say, what not to say, what to wear, how to end a date, how to flirt,<ref name=twsDecI26>{{cite news
|author= Carey Gillam
|title= Flirting can be more than fun, researchers say
|newspaper= China Daily
|date= 2010-11-17
|url= http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/cndy/2010-11/17/content_11560221.htm
|access-date= 2010-12-09
|archive-date= 2016-08-26
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20160826001051/http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/cndy/2010-11/17/content_11560221.htm
|url-status= live
}}</ref> and differing approaches regarding first dates versus subsequent dates.<ref name=twsDecH3foffi /> In addition, advice can apply to periods before a date, such as how to meet prospective partners,<ref name=twsDecH34m>{{cite news
|author= Carlene Thomas-Bailey
|title= Let me count the ways: From traditional to cutting-edge, Carlene Thomas-Bailey introduces a handful of ways to meet your match
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= Blind dates, classified ads, dating websites, hobbies, holidays, office romance, social networking, speed dating...
|date= 25 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-how-to-meet-people
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-25
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151225013240/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-how-to-meet-people
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH3foffi>{{cite news
|author= Carlene Thomas-Bailey
|title= Let me count the ways: From traditional to cutting-edge, Carlene Thomas-Bailey introduces a handful of ways to meet your match
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= First date: Keep it simple by going for coffee or after-work drinks. ...
|date= 25 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-how-to-meet-people
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-25
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151225013240/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-how-to-meet-people
|url-status= live
}}</ref> as well as after a date, such as how to break off a relationship.<ref name=twsDecH34i>{{cite news
|title= Raw dater
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= 30% of relationships are ended face to face.
|date= 24 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-statistics
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2013-11-09
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20131109135030/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-statistics
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH14>{{cite news
|author= Heide Banks
|title= Does It Matter How Many Frogs You Have Kissed?
|work= Huffington Post
|quote= A new book postulates that women who go through 34 dates should find true love around number 35. ... To believe love is just a numbers game would leave the bravest of us questioning, why even play?
|date= May 12, 2010
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heide-banks/relationship-advice-does_b_574108.html
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2010-05-19
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100519013816/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heide-banks/relationship-advice-does_b_574108.html
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH14aa>{{cite news
|author= Heide Banks
|title= Does It Matter How Many Frogs You Have Kissed?
|work= Huffington Post
|quote= Disappointment can create discouragement affecting other areas of our lives. Too many one-off dates that go nowhere can leave the best of us ready to hang up the little black dress in exchange for a pair of pjs and a pint of you know what.
|date= May 12, 2010
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heide-banks/relationship-advice-does_b_574108.html
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2010-05-19
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100519013816/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heide-banks/relationship-advice-does_b_574108.html
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH27der1>{{cite news
|author= Marc Zakian
|title= Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= ... The most appealing kind of email to send is friendly, funny and flattering, ... Don't write a tome or reveal too much, and don't suggest meeting up right away.
|date= 26 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151224203906/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH27der4>{{cite news
|author= Marc Zakian
|title= Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= There is, however, an unwritten rule in the internet dating world that it is acceptable to ignore mail from people who don't interest you. ...
|date= 26 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151224203906/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH27der6>{{cite news
|author= Marc Zakian
|title= Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= A no-reply policy is often the result of experience. "If you send a thanks-but-no-thanks mail," says one dater, "it often triggers another email, pointing out that you should be interested in them because of X, Y and Z."
|date= 26 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151224203906/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|url-status= live
}}</ref>

There are now more than 350 businesses that offer dating coach services in the U.S., and the number of these businesses has surged since 2005<ref>{{cite magazine
|author= Jason Fell
|title= Wingman Businesses Cash in on Men's Dating Dilemmas
|url= http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/220127
|quote= Donovan says he has collected information on more than 500 businesses worldwide that offer dating coach services -- with almost 350 of those operating in the U.S. And the number of these businesses has surged since 2005, following Neil Strauss' New York Times bestselling book The Game.
|date= August 9, 2011
|magazine= Entrepreneur
|access-date= 2010-10-25
|archive-date= 2011-09-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110924045850/http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/220127
|url-status= live
}}</ref>{{update inline|date=December 2019|reason=factoid from 2011}} Frequency of dating varies by person and situation; among singles actively seeking partners, 36% had been on no dates in the past three months, 13% had one date, 22% had two to four dates and 25% had five or more dates, according to a 2005 U.S. survey.<ref name=twsDecH19e>{{cite news
|first1= Mary Research Specialist
|last1= Madden
|first2= Amanda Senior Research Specialist
|last2= Lenhart
|title= Online Dating: Americans who are seeking romance use the internet to help them in their search, but there is still widespread public concern about the safety of online dating
|publisher= Pew Internet & American Life Project
|date= September 2005
|url= http://www.pewinternet.org/Reports/2006/Online-Dating/01-Summary-of-Findings.aspx
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101128034411/http://www.pewinternet.org/Reports/2006/Online-Dating/01-Summary-of-Findings.aspx
|archive-date= 2010-11-28
|url-status= dead
}}</ref>

Judi James, author of ''The Body Language Bible'', suggests specific body language behaviors to note during a date:

{{Blockquote|The date's probably not going so well if they start to scan the room, drop eye contact, open their body to the room rather than concentrating on you, drink quickly in an effort to escape, increase their blink rate - which signals boredom or irritation - or start carrying out self-attack gestures such as lip-biting or nail-picking.
|Judi James in ''The Guardian''|<ref name=twsDecH28fsf1>{{cite news
|author= Judi James
|title= Language of love
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= The copulatory gaze, looking lengthily at a new possible partner, ...
|date= 28 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-body-language-signals
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151224225145/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-body-language-signals
|url-status= live
}}</ref>}}

=== Meeting places ===
[[File:Dancing after Masters of Lindy Hop and Tap 2009 07.jpg|thumb|Ballroom dancing is one way to get to know somebody on a date.]]
There are numerous ways to meet potential dates, including blind dates, classified ads, dating websites, hobbies, holidays, office romance, social networking, speed dating, or simply talking in public places, vehicles or houses. A Pew study in 2005 which examined Internet users in long-term relationships including marriage, found that many met by contacts at work or at school.<ref name=twsDecH19e /> The survey found that 55% of relationship-seeking [[single person|singles]] agreed that it was "difficult to meet people where they live."<ref name=twsDecH19e /> Work is a common place to meet potential spouses, although there are some indications that the Internet is overtaking the workplace as an introduction venue.<ref name=twsDecH21d>{{cite news
|author= Sharon Jayson
|title= Internet changing the game of love
|newspaper= USA Today
|quote= "People who met 20, 25 or 30 years ago were more likely to mention co-workers," he says, and people who met in the past 10 years "were less likely to mention co-workers."
|date= 2010-02-10
|url= https://www.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2010-02-11-couplesmeet11_CV_U.htm
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2012-06-28
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20120628203421/http://www.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2010-02-11-couplesmeet11_CV_U.htm
|url-status= live
}}</ref> One drawback of office dating is that a bad date can lead to "workplace awkwardness."<ref name=twsDecH41>{{cite news
|author = Rupa Dev
|title = Love Online
|newspaper = India Currents
|quote = ... The people you interact with most are your coworkers, but office dating is far from ideal. A bad date will lead to workplace awkwardness, at the very least.
|date = Nov 3, 2008
|url = http://www.indiacurrents.com/news/view_article.html?article_id=497fe53ea5b72e891807b11c8fc98332
|access-date = 2010-12-08
|url-status = dead
|archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20101225075011/http://indiacurrents.com/news/view_article.html?article_id=497fe53ea5b72e891807b11c8fc98332
|archive-date = 2010-12-25
}}</ref>
=== Gender differences ===
There is a general perception that men and women approach dating differently, hence the reason why advice for each gender varies greatly, particularly when dispensed by popular magazines. For example, it is a common belief that heterosexual men often seek women based on [[Physical attractiveness|beauty]] and [[youth]].<ref name=twsDecH22 /><ref name=twsDecM18>{{cite magazine
|author= Jen Kim
|author= Jen Kim
|title= Can you be beautiful but not superficial?
|title= Can you be beautiful but not superficial?
Line 286: Line 61:
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20230319151000/https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/valley-girl-brain/201006/can-you-be-beautiful-not-superficial
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20230319151000/https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/valley-girl-brain/201006/can-you-be-beautiful-not-superficial
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> [[Psychology]] researchers at the [[University of Michigan]] suggested that men prefer women who seem to be "malleable and awed", and prefer younger women with subordinate jobs such as secretaries and assistants and fact-checkers rather than executive-type women.<ref name=twsDecH26k>{{cite news
}}</ref> In a similar vein, the stereotype for heterosexual women is that they seek well-educated men who are their age or older with high-paying jobs.<ref name=twsDecH22>{{cite news
|author= Maureen Dowd quoting poet Dorothy Parker
|title= What's a Modern Girl to Do?
|newspaper= The New York Times
|quote= .. A study by psychology researchers ... suggested that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors. ...
|year= 2005
|url= https://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2011-04-10
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110410033738/http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
|url-status= live
}}</ref> [[Online dating]] patterns suggest that men are more likely to initiate online exchanges (over 75%) and extrapolate that men are less "choosy", seek younger women, and "cast a wide net".<ref name=twsDecZb19 /> In a similar vein, the stereotype for heterosexual women is that they seek well-educated men who are their age or older with high-paying jobs.<ref name=twsDecH22>{{cite news
|author= Jeanna Bryner
|author= Jeanna Bryner
|title= What We Want: Online Dating by the Numbers
|title= What We Want: Online Dating by the Numbers
Line 315: Line 79:
|url= http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ironshrink/201002/roses-are-red-violets-are-blue-nice-genes
|url= http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ironshrink/201002/roses-are-red-violets-are-blue-nice-genes
|access-date= 2010-12-13
|access-date= 2010-12-13
}}{{subscription required|date=September 2022}}</ref> Women's endorsement of gendered dating norms tends to increase with [[Ambivalent sexism|benevolent sexism]], preference for [[Expressions of dominance|dominant]] men and long-term relationships.<ref name="t870">{{cite journal | last1=Alba | first1=Beatrice | last2=Hammond | first2=Matthew D. | last3=Cross | first3=Emily J. | title=Women's Endorsement of Heteronormative Dating Scripts is Predicted by Sexism, Feminist Identity, A Preference for Dominant Men, and A Preference Against Short-Term Relationships | journal=Sex Roles | publisher=Springer Science and Business Media LLC | volume=89 | issue=7–8 | date=24 July 2023 | issn=0360-0025 | doi=10.1007/s11199-023-01405-6 | doi-access=free | pages=442–457}}</ref> Some women perceive benevolent gendered dating norms benefit them, such as "women should be protected and taken care of by men".<ref name="p358"/> Some women endorse gendered dating norms due to their view that men's commitment is less assured than women's commitment, which can be seen as [[internalized sexism]].<ref name="p358"/>
}}{{subscription required|date=September 2022}}</ref>


While many gendered dating norms follow [[patriarchy]] or [[chivalry]], the online dating app [[Bumble]] enforced until 2024 the gendered dating norm that heterosexual women send the first message after matching.<ref name="r263">{{cite journal | last1=Young | first1=Margaret | last2=Roberts | first2=Steven | title="Shifting old-fashioned power dynamics"?: women's perspectives on the gender transformational capacity of the dating app, <i>Bumble</i> | journal=Feminist Media Studies | publisher=Informa UK Limited | volume=23 | issue=3 | date=7 November 2021 | issn=1468-0777 | doi=10.1080/14680777.2021.1992472 | pages=1238–1255}}</ref><ref>{{Cite news |last=Safronova |first=Valeriya |date=2024-04-30 |title=Women on Bumble No Longer Have to Make the First Move |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/30/style/bumble-dating-apps.html |access-date=2024-05-05 |work=The New York Times |language=en-US |issn=0362-4331 |archive-date=May 5, 2024 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240505193114/https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/30/style/bumble-dating-apps.html |url-status=live }}</ref>
For example, some{{who|date=September 2021}} have noted that educated women in many countries including [[Italy]] and [[Russia]],{{cn|date=July 2022}} and the [[United States]] find it difficult to have a [[career]] as well as raise a family, prompting a number of writers to suggest how women should approach dating and how to time their careers and personal life. The advice comes with the assumption that the work-life balance is inherently a "woman's problem." In many societies, there is a view that women should fulfill the role of primary caregivers, with little to no spousal support and with few services by employers or government such as parental leave or childcare. Accordingly, an issue regarding dating is the subject of career timing which generates controversy. Some views reflect a traditional notion of gender roles. For example, [[Danielle Crittenden]] in ''What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us'' argued that having both a career and family at the same time was taxing and stressful for a woman; as a result, she suggested that women should date in their early twenties with a seriousness of purpose, marry when their relative beauty permitted them to find a reliable partner, have children, then return to work in their early thirties with kids in school; Crittenden acknowledged that splitting a career path with a ten-year baby-raising hiatus posed difficulties.<ref name=twsDecxfpu89>{{cite news

===Gender egalitarian norms===
{{Main|Egalitarianism}}
Gender egalitarian dating norms have no gendered differences in dating norms, in line with [[gender equality]].<ref name="p358">{{cite journal | last=Lamont | first=Ellen | title=Negotiating Courtship | journal=Gender & Society | publisher=SAGE Publications | volume=28 | issue=2 | date=23 September 2013 | issn=0891-2432 | doi=10.1177/0891243213503899 | pages=189–211}}</ref> [[Going dutch]] at dates refers to the equal split of the bill at dates.<ref name=OED>{{cite book |chapter=Dutch |title=Oxford English Dictionary |url=https://archive.org/details/oxfordenglishdic0015unse |url-access=registration |edition=2nd |date=1989 |publisher=[[Oxford University Press]]}}</ref> Some women reject gender equal norms, such as women approaching men, due to fear of [[Social rejection#Romantic rejection|rejection]], to avoid be seen desperate, viewing symbolic gendering as [[Ambivalent sexism|benevolent]] or viewing men following gender egalitarian dating norms as lack of men's interest.<ref name="p358"/> Some women report privately playing a decisive role in the timing of the [[marriage proposal]], while publicly following gendered courtship conventions.<ref name="p358"/> Gender inequality in dating with gender equality at work can result in contradictions.<ref name="p358"/>

===Work-life balance===
Some view that women should fulfill the role of primary caregivers, with little to no spousal support and with few services by employers or government such as parental leave or childcare. Accordingly, an issue regarding dating is the subject of career timing which generates controversy. Some views reflect a traditional notion of gender roles. For example, [[Danielle Crittenden]] in ''What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us'' argued that having both a career and family at the same time was taxing and stressful for a woman; as a result, she suggested that women should date in their early twenties with a seriousness of purpose, marry when their relative beauty permitted them to find a reliable partner, have children, then return to work in their early thirties with kids in school; Crittenden acknowledged that splitting a career path with a ten-year baby-raising hiatus posed difficulties.<ref name=twsDecxfpu89>{{cite news
|author= David Gergen engages Danielle Crittenden
|author= David Gergen engages Danielle Crittenden
|title= interview about: What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman (excerpts)
|title= interview about: What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman (excerpts)
Line 337: Line 108:
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20220717045710/https://hbr.org/2002/04/executive-women-and-the-myth-of-having-it-all
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20220717045710/https://hbr.org/2002/04/executive-women-and-the-myth-of-having-it-all
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> It is increasingly common today, however, with new generations and in a growing number of countries, to frame the [[work-life balance]] issue as a social problem rather than a gender problem. With the advent of a changing workplace, the increased participation of women in the [[labor force]], an increasing number of men who are picking up their share of parenting and housework,<ref>[http://www.contemporaryfamilies.org/marriage-partnership-divorce/menchange.html] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20130501053233/http://www.contemporaryfamilies.org/marriage-partnership-divorce/menchange.html|date=2013-05-01}} Article</ref> and more governments and industries committing themselves to achieving gender equality, the question of whether or not, or when to start a family is slowly being recognized as an issue that touches (or should touch) both genders.
}}</ref>


=== Age groups ===
In studies comparing children with heterosexual families and children with homosexual families, there have been no major differences noted; though some claims suggest that kids with homosexual parents end up more well-adjusted than their peers with heterosexual parents, purportedly due to the lack of marginalizing gender roles in same-sex families.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/bibliography/same-sex-parents|title=Same-sex parents|access-date=2017-11-19|archive-date=2017-12-01|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20171201032800/https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/bibliography/same-sex-parents|url-status=dead}}</ref>
Dating can happen for people in most age groups with the possible exception of young children. [[Teenagers]] and [[Preadolescence|tweens]] have been described as dating; according to the [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention|CDC]], three-quarters of eighth and ninth graders in the United States described themselves as "dating", although it is unclear what is exactly meant by this term.<ref name=twsDecH12>{{cite news
|author= Madeline Wheeler
|title= When a Girl Dies
|work= Huffington Post
|quote= According to a 2007 Centers of Disease Control (CDC) report, approximately 72 percent of 8th and 9th graders report that they are "dating."
|date= March 22, 2010
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/madeline-wheeler/when-a-girl-dies_b_501571.html
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2010-03-30
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100330012238/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/madeline-wheeler/when-a-girl-dies_b_501571.html
|url-status= live
}}</ref> A 2018 study in the ''Journal of Youth and Adolescence'' found that serious dating among teenagers can have negative affects on a teenager's mood. This is most likely due to the incomplete cognitive and emotional development of teenagers that cause a lack of ability to handle the challenging aspects of romantic relationships.<ref>{{cite news |last1=McBride |first1=Jon |title=Study: Serious dating can create serious challenges for teens |url=https://news.byu.edu/news/study-serious-dating-can-create-serious-challenges-teens |access-date=March 13, 2019 |work=BYU News |publisher=Brigham Young University |date=March 7, 2019 |archive-date=March 14, 2019 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20190314191851/https://news.byu.edu/news/study-serious-dating-can-create-serious-challenges-teens |url-status=live }}</ref><ref>{{cite journal |last1=Rogers |first1=Adam A. |last2=Ha |first2=Thao |last3=Updegraff |first3=Kimberly A. |last4=Iida |first4=Masumi |s2cid=44447925 |title=Adolescents' Daily Romantic Experiences and Negative Mood: A Dyadic, Intensive, Longitudinal Study |journal=Journal of Youth and Adolescence |date=July 2018 |volume=47 |issue=7 |pages=1517–1530 |doi=10.1007/s10964-017-0797-y|pmid=29305673 |doi-access=free }}</ref>


Young persons are exposed to many people their own age in their [[high school]]s or [[secondary school]]s or [[college]] or [[university|universities]].<ref name=twsDecH21c /> There is anecdotal evidence that traditional dating—one-on-one public outings—has declined rapidly among the younger generation in the [[United States]] in favor of less intimate sexual encounters sometimes known as ''hookups'' (slang), described as brief sexual experiences with "no strings attached", although exactly what is meant by the term ''hookup'' varies considerably.<ref name=twsDecH25>{{cite news
It is increasingly common today, however, with new generations and in a growing number of countries, to frame the work-life balance issue as a social problem rather than a gender problem. With the advent of a changing workplace, the increased participation of women in the [[labor force]], an increasing number of men who are picking up their share of parenting and housework,<ref>[http://www.contemporaryfamilies.org/marriage-partnership-divorce/menchange.html] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20130501053233/http://www.contemporaryfamilies.org/marriage-partnership-divorce/menchange.html|date=2013-05-01}} Article</ref> and more governments and industries committing themselves to achieving gender equality, the question of whether or not, or when to start a family is slowly being recognized as an issue that touches (or should touch) both genders.

=== Love ===
The prospect of love often entails anxiety, sometimes with a fear of commitment <ref name="twsBoston22">{{cite news
| author= Monica O’Neal
| date= February 27, 2014
| newspaper= Boston Globe
| url= http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/health/blogs/daily-dose/2014/02/14/dating-boston-man-world/PMG6R6YUNX5VtgCnkdcfOM/blog.html
| title= Dating in Boston is a man's world
| access-date= February 29, 2016
| quote= ... He may experience discomfort with his or his partner’s normal, vulnerable emotions needed for intimacy and commitment, ...both men and women, it becomes clear that both genders deal with some anxiety about dating in Boston...
| archive-date= September 30, 2015
| archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20150930135015/http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/health/blogs/daily-dose/2014/02/14/dating-boston-man-world/PMG6R6YUNX5VtgCnkdcfOM/blog.html
| url-status= live
}}</ref> and a fear of intimacy for persons of both sexes.<ref name="twsChicagoTribune22">{{cite news
| author= Jenniffer Weigel
| date= May 13, 2014
| newspaper= Chicago Tribune
| url= http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2014-05-13/features/sc-fam-0513-toxic-relationship-20140513_1_person-the-human-magnet-syndrome-addiction
| title= Letting go of toxic relationships: How to recognize the good from the bad and move on
| access-date= February 29, 2016
| quote= ...I find the majority of time, it's because of a fear of intimacy," said relationship therapist Laura Berman. ...
| archive-date= March 6, 2016
| archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20160306130831/http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2014-05-13/features/sc-fam-0513-toxic-relationship-20140513_1_person-the-human-magnet-syndrome-addiction
| url-status= live
}}</ref> One woman said "being really intimate with someone in a committed sense is kind of threatening" and described love as "the most terrifying thing."<ref name=twsDecH25cc>{{cite news
|author= Brenda Wilson
|author= Brenda Wilson
|title= Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships
|title= Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships
|work= National Public Radio
|work= National Public Radio
|quote= The hookup — that meeting and mating ritual that started among high school and college students — is becoming a trend among young people who have entered the workaday world.
|quote= ... For many of us, the requisite vulnerability and exposure that comes from being really intimate with someone in a committed sense is kind of threatening. ...
|date= June 8, 2009
|date= June 8, 2009
|url= https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
|url= https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
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|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101125191419/http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101125191419/http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> Dating is being bypassed and is seen as archaic, and relationships are sometimes seen as "greedy" by taking time away from other activities,<ref name=twsDecM12c>{{cite news
}}</ref> In her Psychology Today column, research scientist, columnist, and author [[Debby Herbenick]] compared it to a roller coaster:
|author1= Elizabeth A. Armstrong

|author2= Laura Hamilton
{{Blockquote|There's something wonderful, I think, about taking chances on [[love]] and sex. ... Going out on a limb can be roller-coaster scary because none of us want to be rejected or to have our heart broken. But so what if that happens? I, for one, would rather fall flat on my face as I serenade my partner (off-key and all) in a bikini and a short little pool skirt than sit on the edge of the pool, dipping my toes in silence.|<ref name=twsDecM16>{{cite magazine
|author3= Paula England
|author= Debby Herbenick
|title= Why It Pays To Be Foolish in Love (and Sex)
|title= Is Hooking Up Bad For Young Women?
|publisher= American Sociological Association
|magazine= Psychology Today
|quote= Relationships are “greedy,” getting in the way of other things that young women want to be doing as adolescents and young adults, and they are often characterized by gender inequality—sometimes even violence.
|date= March 15, 2010
|date= Summer 2010
|url= http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-pleasures-sex/201003/why-it-pays-be-foolish-in-love-and-sex
|url= http://contexts.org/articles/summer-2010/is-hooking-up-bad-for-young-women/
|access-date= 2010-12-13
|access-date= 2010-12-13
|archive-date= 2015-01-02
}}</ref>}}
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20150102213041/http://contexts.org/articles/summer-2010/is-hooking-up-bad-for-young-women/

One dating adviser agreed that love is risky and wrote that "There is truly only one real danger that we must concern ourselves with and that is closing our hearts to the possibility that love exists."<ref name=twsDecH14cc>{{cite news
|author= Heide Banks
|title= Does It Matter How Many Frogs You Have Kissed?
|work= Huffington Post
|date= May 12, 2010
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heide-banks/relationship-advice-does_b_574108.html
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2010-05-19
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100519013816/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heide-banks/relationship-advice-does_b_574108.html
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> although exclusive relationships form later.<ref name=twsDecI34ff>{{cite news
}}</ref>
|title = Courtship

|newspaper = China Daily
=== Controversy ===
|quote = After the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, this "old-fashioned" form of dating waned in popularity....
[[File:Helen Fisher at LaWeb 2008 in Paris.jpg|thumb|right|Anthropologist Helen Fisher in 2008]]
|date = 2009-10-16
What happens in the dating world can reflect larger currents within popular culture. For example, when the 1995 book ''[[The Rules]]'' appeared, it touched off media controversy about how men and women should relate to each other, with different positions taken by columnist [[Maureen Dowd]] of ''[[The New York Times]]''<ref name=twsDecH26e>{{cite news
|url = http://www1.chinadaily.com.cn/language_tips/auvideo/2009-10/16/content_8802864_2.htm
|author= Maureen Dowd quoting poet Dorothy Parker
|access-date = 2010-12-09
|title= What's a Modern Girl to Do?
|url-status = dead
|newspaper= The New York Times
|archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20110723130129/http://www1.chinadaily.com.cn/language_tips/auvideo/2009-10/16/content_8802864_2.htm
|quote= I knew it even before the 1995 publication of "The Rules," a dating bible that encouraged women to return to prefeminist mind games by playing hard to get....
|archive-date = 2011-07-23
|year= 2005
}}</ref> Some college newspapers have decried the lack of dating on campuses after a 2001 study was published, and conservative groups have promoted "traditional" dating.<ref name=twsDecI34gg>{{cite news
|url= https://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
|title = Courtship
|newspaper = China Daily
|quote = In recent years, a number of college newspapers have featured editorials where students decry the lack of "dating" on their campuses....
|date = 2009-10-16
|url = http://www1.chinadaily.com.cn/language_tips/auvideo/2009-10/16/content_8802864_2.htm
|access-date = 2010-12-09
|url-status = dead
|archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20110723130129/http://www1.chinadaily.com.cn/language_tips/auvideo/2009-10/16/content_8802864_2.htm
|archive-date = 2011-07-23
}}</ref> When young people are in school, they have a lot of access to people their own age, and do not need tools such as online websites or dating services.<ref name=twsDecH23>{{cite news
|author1=Susan Sprecher |author2=Amy Wenzel |title= Handbook of Relationship Initiation
|publisher= Psychology Press
|quote= (paraphrase:) less keen on matchmaking services (see page 251 in Attitudes about relationship initiation at Internet matching services)
|year= 2008
|isbn= 978-0-8058-6160-0
|url= https://books.google.com/books?id=UND7Ps1ZZkEC&pg=PA251
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|access-date= 2010-12-08
}}</ref> Chinese writer Lao Wai, writing to homeland Chinese about America, considered that the college years were the "golden age of dating" for Americans, when Americans dated more than at any other time in their life.<ref name="twsDecI28">{{cite news |date=2004-02-06 |title='Lao wai' speak out on false image in China |newspaper=China Daily |url=http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2004-02/06/content_303955.htm |access-date=2010-12-09 |archive-date=2019-06-28 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20190628015403/http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2004-02/06/content_303955.htm |url-status=live }}</ref><ref name=twsDecH21c>{{cite news
|archive-date= 2011-04-10
|author= Sharon Jayson
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110410033738/http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
|title= Internet changing the game of love
|url-status= live
|newspaper= USA Today
}}</ref> and British writer Kira Cochrane of ''[[The Guardian]]''<ref name=twsDecH27a134kbb>{{cite news
|quote= Rosenfeld says what surprised him was that people over 30 were the ones who met partners online — rather than the twentysomethings he had expected. ...
|author= Kira Cochrane
|date= 2010-02-10
|title= Should I follow any rules?
|url= https://www.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2010-02-11-couplesmeet11_CV_U.htm
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= The Rules centres on the premise that "men are born to respond to challenge. Take away challenge and their interest wanes", and thus followers are instructed to suppress their natural instincts and continue as follows: ... never ask a man to dance, ... women should laugh at all their date's jokes...
|date= 24 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/rules-of-dating
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-25
|archive-date= 2012-06-28
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151225010919/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/rules-of-dating
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20120628203421/http://www.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2010-02-11-couplesmeet11_CV_U.htm
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> and others.<ref name=twsDecH27b11cc>{{cite news
}}</ref> There are indications people in their twenties are less focused on marriage but on careers.<ref>{{cite news
|author= Bibi van der Zee
|author= Brenda Wilson
|title= Play by the Rules
|title= Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships
|work= National Public Radio
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= Marriage is often the last thing on the minds of young people leaving college today. "My first few years out of college was about trying to get on my feet and having a good time," Welsh says. Dating and a relationship interfered with that.
|quote= Instead, he seemed to assume it was because I was busy, popular, and had better things to do. Which seemed to make him keener. When we went on dates, I would always be the one to leave. To my astonishment, he often took that as a cue to ask me out again.
|date= 24 January 2009
|date= June 8, 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/the-rules-guide-to-dating
|url= https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-25
|archive-date= 2010-11-25
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151225013722/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/the-rules-guide-to-dating
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101125191419/http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecIv12>{{cite news
}}</ref>

|author = Christian Carter
People over thirty, lacking recent college experience, have better luck online finding partners.<ref name=twsDecH21c /> Economist [[Sylvia Ann Hewlett]] in 2002 found that 55% of 35-year-old career women were childless, while 19% of male corporate executives were, and concluded that "the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is she will find a husband or bear a child."<ref name=twsDecH26l>{{cite news
|title = 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men
|publisher = Paris Woman Journal
|quote = Mistake #8: Trying To “Convince” Him To Like You Or Love You ...
|year = 2006
|url = http://www.pariswoman.com/paris/reports/10_women_mistakes2.htm
|access-date = 2010-12-09
|url-status = dead
|archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20110210152641/http://www.pariswoman.com/paris/reports/10_women_mistakes2.htm
|archive-date = 2011-02-10
}}</ref> It has even caused [[anthropology|anthropologists]] such as [[Helen Fisher (anthropologist)|Helen Fisher]] to suggest that dating is a game designed to "impress and capture" which is not about "honesty" but "novelty", "excitement" and even "danger", which can boost [[dopamine]] levels in the brain.<ref name=twsDecH26f>{{cite news
|author= Maureen Dowd quoting poet Dorothy Parker
|author= Maureen Dowd quoting poet Dorothy Parker
|title= What's a Modern Girl to Do?
|title= What's a Modern Girl to Do?
|newspaper= The New York Times
|newspaper= The New York Times
|quote= Sylvia Ann Hewlett, ... in 2002, conducted a survey and found that 55 percent of 35-year-old career women were childless. ... compared with only 19 percent of the men. ... "the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is she will find a husband or bear a child. ...
|quote= Today, women have gone back to hunting their quarry – in person and in cyberspace – with elaborate schemes designed to allow the deluded creatures to think they are the hunters. ...
|year= 2005
|year= 2005
|url= https://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
|url= https://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
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|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110410033738/http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110410033738/http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref>
}}</ref> The subject of dating has spun off popular culture terms such as the ''[[friend zone]]'' which refers to a situation in which a dating relation evolves into a platonic non-sexual union.<ref name=twsFebX18>{{cite news

|author= Gina B.
While people tend to date others close to their own age, it's possible for older men to date younger women. In many countries, the older-man-younger-woman arrangement is seen as permissible, sometimes with benefits. It's looked on more positively in the U.S. than in China for example; older men are described as more knowledgeable sexually and intellectually, supportive, skilled in the ways of women, and financially more secure so there's "no more going Dutch."<ref name=twsDecI36a>{{cite news
|title= What's so bad about the friend zone?
|author= Qi Zhai
|newspaper= Chicago Tribune
|title= Reasons why 'silver foxes' outperform 'weird uncles'
|date= January 12, 2007
|newspaper= China Daily
|url= http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2007-01-12/news/0701120408_1_new-friends-attraction-friendship
|access-date= 2011-02-24
|date= 2010-07-09
|url= http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/metro/2010-07/09/content_10085925.htm
|archive-date= 2012-08-12
|access-date= 2010-12-09
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20120812022744/http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2007-01-12/news/0701120408_1_new-friends-attraction-friendship
|archive-date= 2010-11-09
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101109202047/http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/metro/2010-07/09/content_10085925.htm
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> In China, older men with younger women are more likely to be described as "weird uncles" rather than "silver foxes."<ref name=twsDecI36a /> One Beijing professor reportedly advised his male students to delay dating:
}}</ref><ref name=twsFebX19>{{cite news

|author= Ali Binazir M.D. M.Phil.
{{Blockquote|Research shows that successful men are, on average, older than their spouses by 12 years; exceptional men, by 17 years; and Nobel laureates, well, they can be 54 years older than their mates. Why date now when your ideal wives are still in kindergarten!|<ref name=twsDecI36a />}}
|title= How to stay out of the Friend Zone

|website= TaoOfDating.com
[[File:Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher TechCrunch50.jpg|thumb|right|Actress [[Demi Moore]], when she was dating younger actor [[Ashton Kutcher]], had been described as a ''[[Cougar (slang)|cougar]]''.]]
|date= February 2011
A notable example of the older-woman-younger-man is [[Demi Moore]] pairing with 15-years-her-junior [[Ashton Kutcher]]. Older women in such relations have recently been described as "cougars", and formerly such relationships were often kept secret or discreet, but there is a report that such relationships are becoming more accepted and increasing.<ref name=twsDecIv18>{{cite news
|url= http://taoofdating.com/how-to-stay-out-of-friend-zone/
|author= Linda Franklin
|access-date= 2011-02-24
|title= Young men beware, "cougar women" on the prowl
|archive-date= 2011-03-02
|work= France 24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110302233535/http://taoofdating.com/how-to-stay-out-of-friend-zone/
|quote= ... "Cougar women" in the US are coming out of the dark and flaunting their younger boyfriends....
|url-status= live
|date= 2009-10-21
}}</ref><ref name=twsFebX32>{{cite news
|url= http://observers.france24.com/en/content/20091021-young-men-beware-cougar-women-on-prowl-older-women-survey
|author1=Ron Louis |author2=David Copeland |title= How To Succeed With Women: Revised and Updated
|access-date= 2010-12-09
|publisher= Prentice Hall Press
|archive-date= 2010-08-08
|year= 2009
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100808150705/http://observers.france24.com/en/content/20091021-young-men-beware-cougar-women-on-prowl-older-women-survey
|url= https://books.google.com/books?id=pHzb7_bZTSwC&pg=PT205
|isbn= 978-1-4406-6211-9
|access-date= 2011-02-24
}}</ref><ref name=twsFebX23>{{cite news
|author= Eric V. Copage
|title= For New Pickup Lines, Pay $377 and Go Practice
|newspaper= The New York Times
|date= June 6, 2010
|url= https://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/07/nyregion/07dating.html
|access-date= 2011-02-24
|archive-date= 2010-06-10
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100610072230/http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/07/nyregion/07dating.html
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref>
}}</ref>


Since [[divorce]] is increasing in many areas, sometimes celebrated with "[[divorce party|divorce parties]]",<ref name=twsDecIv23>{{cite news
=== Risks of violence ===
|title= Wedding dress, photographer, cake: must be a divorce party
According to one report, there was a 10% chance of violence between students happening between a [[boyfriend]] and [[girlfriend]], sometimes described as "intimate partner violence", over a 12–month period.<ref name=twsDecH13>{{cite news
|work= France 24
|author = US government
|quote= the "divorce party" is now flourishing in the UK too...
|title = Understanding Teen Dating Violence
|date= 2010-09-03
|publisher = Centers for Disease Control
|url= http://observers.france24.com/en/content/20100309-wedding-dress-photographer-cake-must-be-divorce-party
|quote = Dating violence is a type of intimate partner violence....
|access-date= 2010-12-09
|year = 2009
|archive-date= 2011-01-01
|url = https://www.cdc.gov/TeenDatingViolence2009-a.pdf
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110101160337/http://observers.france24.com/en/content/20100309-wedding-dress-photographer-cake-must-be-divorce-party
|access-date = 2010-12-08
|url-status= live
}}</ref> A 2004 estimate was that 20% of U.S. high school girls aged 14–18 were "hit, slapped, shoved or forced into sexual activity".<ref name=twsDecH16>{{cite news
}}</ref> there is dating advice for the freshly divorced as well, which includes not talking about your ex or your divorce but focusing on "activities that bring joy to your life."<ref name=twsDecH17bb>{{cite news
|author= Kate Stone Lombardi
|author= Julie Spira
|title= Next Generation; One Simple Rule for Dating: No Violence
|title= Online Dating Advice for the Newly Divorced
|newspaper= The New York Times
|work= Huffington Post
|quote= Ms. Lutz told the boys that among high school girls surveyed from the ages of 14 to 18, about 20 percent reported that they had been hit, slapped, shoved or forced into sexual activity by a dating partner. ...
|quote= First of all, my recommendation is to be ready and to be authentic. ...
|date= April 18, 2004
|date= November 22, 2010
|url= https://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F03E2D6143BF93BA25757C0A9629C8B63
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julie-spira/online-dating-tips-for-th_b_778714.html
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|author-link= Julie Spira
}}</ref> Violence while dating isn't limited to any one culture or group or religion, but remains an issue in different countries<ref name=twsDecIv11>{{cite news
|archive-date= 2010-11-28
|title = Domestic violence
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101128154047/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julie-spira/online-dating-tips-for-th_b_778714.html
|newspaper = Saudi Gazette
|url-status= live
|quote = Wikipedia tells us that domestic violence ... can be broadly defined as a pattern of abusive behaviors by one or both partners in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating...
}}</ref> Adviser Claire Rayner in ''The Guardian'' suggests calling people from your address book with whom you haven't been in touch for years and say "I'd love to get back in contact."<ref name=twsDecH35>{{cite news
|date = 2010-12-09
|author= Claire Rayner
|url = http://www.saudigazette.com.sa/index.cfm?method=home.regcon&contentID=2010112888195
|title= Claire Rayner's tips for the older dater
|access-date = 2010-12-09
|url-status = dead
|archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20120517075219/http://www.saudigazette.com.sa/index.cfm?method=home.regcon&contentID=2010112888195
|archive-date = 2012-05-17
}}</ref> (It is usually the female who is the victim, but there have been cases where males have been hurt as well.). [[Lady Sarah McCorquodale|Sara McCorquodale]] suggests that women meeting strangers on dates meet initially in busy public places, share details of upcoming dates with friends or family so they know where they'll be and who they'll be with, avoid revealing one's surname or address, and conduct searches on them on the Internet prior to the date.<ref name=twsDecH33>{{cite news
|author= Sara McCorquodale
|title= Safety first: how to put your mind at ease
|newspaper= The Guardian
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= Search through your address book, call people you haven't spoken to in years and say: "I'd love to get back in contact." ...
|quote= ...To begin with, it is important that someone knows where you are.
|date= 24 January 2009
|date= 25 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-safety-drinking-advice
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/claire-rayner-older-dater-advice
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2014-11-17
|archive-date= 2014-11-17
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20141117073313/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-safety-drinking-advice
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20141117073505/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/claire-rayner-older-dater-advice
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> One advisor suggested: Don't leave drinks unattended; have an exit plan if things go badly; and ask a friend to call you on your cell phone an hour into the date to ask how it's going.<ref name=twsDecH33 />
}}</ref> Do activities you like doing with like-minded people; if someone seems interesting to you, tell them.<ref name=twsDecH35 /> It's more acceptable for this group for women to ask men out.<ref name=twsDecH35 />

===Commercial dating services===
As technology progressed the dating world progressed as well. In a timeline by Metro, a statistic [[matchmaking]] business opened in 1941, the first reality TV dating show was developed in 1965, and by the 1980s the public was introduced to video dating.<ref>{{cite web |last1=Mulshine |first1=Molly |title=The 80s version of Tinder was 'video dating' — and it looks incredibly awkward |url=http://www.techinsider.io/found-footage-awkward-80s-video-dating-2015-12 |website=Tech Insider |access-date=2023-03-15 |archive-date=2016-10-05 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20161005230414/http://www.techinsider.io/found-footage-awkward-80s-video-dating-2015-12 |url-status=live }}</ref> Video dating was a way for singles to sit in front of a camera and tell whoever may be watching something about themselves. The [[process of elimination]] was significant because now the viewer was able hear their voice, see their face and watch their body language to determine a [[physical attraction]] to the candidates.


=== LGBT+ ===
In [[online dating]], individuals create profiles where they disclose personal information, photographs, hobbies, interests, religion and expectations. Then the user can search through hundreds of thousands of accounts and connect with multiple people at once which in return, gives the user more options and more opportunity to find what meets their standards. Online dating has influenced the idea of [[choice]]. In ''[[Modern Romance: An Investigation]]'', [[Aziz Ansari]] states that one third of marriages in the United States between 2005 and 2012 met through online dating services.<ref>{{cite book |last1=Ansari |first1=Aziz |title=Modern Romance |date=2015 |publisher=Penguin Press |isbn=978-1-59420-627-6 |location=New York, New York |pages=79}}</ref> Today there are hundreds of sites to choose from and websites designed to fit specific needs such as [[Match.com|Match]], [[eHarmony]], [[OkCupid]], [[Zoosk]], and [[ChristianMingle]]. Mobile apps, such as [[Grindr]] and [[Tinder (app)|Tinder]] allow users to upload profiles that are then judged by others on the service; one can either swipe right on a profile (indicating interest) or swipe left (which presents another possible mate).

=== Technology ===
The Internet is shaping the way new generations date. [[Facebook]], [[Skype]], [[WhatsApp]], and other applications have made remote connections possible. Particularly for the LGBTQ+ community, where the dating pool can be more difficult to navigate due to discrimination and having a 'minority' status in society.

Online dating tools are an alternate way to meet potential dates.<ref>Lgbt Identity and Online New Media&nbsp;– Page 235, Christopher Pullen, Margaret Cooper – 2010</ref><ref>Gaydar Culture: Gay Men, Technology and Embodiment in the Digital Age&nbsp;– Page 186, Sharif Mowlabocus – 2010</ref> Many people use [[smartphone]] apps such as [[Tinder (app)|Tinder]], [[Grindr]], or [[Bumble (app)|Bumble]] which allow a user to accept or reject another user with a single swipe of a finger.<ref name=twsCQNews>CQ Press, CQ Researcher, Barbara Mantel, [http://library.cqpress.com/cqresearcher/document.php?id=cqresrre2015032000 Online dating: Can apps and algorithms lead to true love?] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20160825220732/http://library.cqpress.com/cqresearcher/document.php?id=cqresrre2015032000 |date=2016-08-25 }}, Retrieved June 12, 2016, "...Yet some researchers say dating companies' matchmaking algorithms are no better than Chance for providing suitable partners. At the same time, critics worry that the abundance of prospective dates available online is undermining relationships..."</ref> Some critics have suggested that matchmaking algorithms are imperfect and are "no better than chance" for the task of identifying acceptable partners.<ref name=twsCQNews /> Others have suggested that the speed and availability of emerging technologies may be undermining the possibility for couples to have long-term meaningful relationships when finding a replacement partner has potentially become too easy.<ref name=twsCQNews />

== LGBT+ ==
[[File:Two homosexual man holding hands.jpg|thumb|upright|A [[same-sex relationship|same-sex]] male couple holding hands on the street]]
[[File:Two homosexual man holding hands.jpg|thumb|upright|A [[same-sex relationship|same-sex]] male couple holding hands on the street]]
Dating behavior of [[non-heterosexual]] individuals does not always reflect their self-ascribed [[sexual orientation]]. Some people recognize from an early age that they are attracted to the [[homosexuality|same sex]] or [[bisexuality|both]]/[[pansexuality|all sexes]] but may initially adhere to [[heterosexual]] norms in their dating behaviors. Some individuals who identify as [[LGBT+]] but are [[questioning (sexuality and gender)|questioning]] or have not [[Coming out|come out]] to their peers and family, may wait years before they start dating their preferred sex.<ref>{{Cite web
Dating behavior of [[non-heterosexual]] individuals does not always reflect their self-ascribed [[sexual orientation]]. Some people recognize from an early age that they are attracted to the [[homosexuality|same sex]] or [[bisexuality|both]]/[[pansexuality|all sexes]] but may initially adhere to [[heterosexual]] norms in their dating behaviors. Some individuals who identify as [[LGBT+]] but are [[questioning (sexuality and gender)|questioning]] or have not [[Coming out|come out]] to their peers and family, may wait years before they start dating their preferred sex.<ref>{{Cite web
Line 584: Line 314:
}}</ref>
}}</ref>


In studies comparing children with heterosexual families and children with homosexual families, there have been no major differences noted; though some claims suggest that kids with homosexual parents end up more well-adjusted than their peers with heterosexual parents, purportedly due to the lack of marginalizing gender roles in same-sex families.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/bibliography/same-sex-parents|title=Same-sex parents|access-date=2017-11-19|archive-date=2017-12-01|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20171201032800/https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/bibliography/same-sex-parents|url-status=dead}}</ref>
== Matchmakers ==

{{Main|Matchmaking}}
==Initiation==
{{See also|Flirting|First date|Matchmaking}}
[[File:Dancing after Masters of Lindy Hop and Tap 2009 07.jpg|thumb|Ballroom dancing is one way to get to know somebody on a date.]]
There are numerous ways to meet potential dates, including blind dates, classified ads, dating websites, hobbies, holidays, office romance, social networking, speed dating, or simply talking in public places, vehicles or houses. A Pew study in 2005 which examined Internet users in long-term relationships including marriage, found that many met by contacts at work or at school.<ref name=twsDecH19e /> The survey found that 55% of relationship-seeking [[single person|singles]] agreed that it was "difficult to meet people where they live."<ref name=twsDecH19e /> Work is a common place to meet potential spouses, although there are some indications that the Internet is overtaking the workplace as an introduction venue.<ref name=twsDecH21d>{{cite news
|author= Sharon Jayson
|title= Internet changing the game of love
|newspaper= USA Today
|quote= "People who met 20, 25 or 30 years ago were more likely to mention co-workers," he says, and people who met in the past 10 years "were less likely to mention co-workers."
|date= 2010-02-10
|url= https://www.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2010-02-11-couplesmeet11_CV_U.htm
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2012-06-28
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20120628203421/http://www.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2010-02-11-couplesmeet11_CV_U.htm
|url-status= live
}}</ref> One drawback of office dating is that a bad date can lead to "workplace awkwardness."<ref name=twsDecH41>{{cite news
|author = Rupa Dev
|title = Love Online
|newspaper = India Currents
|quote = ... The people you interact with most are your coworkers, but office dating is far from ideal. A bad date will lead to workplace awkwardness, at the very least.
|date = Nov 3, 2008
|url = http://www.indiacurrents.com/news/view_article.html?article_id=497fe53ea5b72e891807b11c8fc98332
|access-date = 2010-12-08
|url-status = dead
|archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20101225075011/http://indiacurrents.com/news/view_article.html?article_id=497fe53ea5b72e891807b11c8fc98332
|archive-date = 2010-12-25
}}</ref>

{{section howto|date=July 2020}}
{{section howto|date=July 2020}}
[[File:Gerrit van Honthorst - De koppelaarster.jpg|thumb|right|''The Matchmaker'' <br />painting by Gerard van Honthorst (1590–1656)]]
[[File:Gerrit van Honthorst - De koppelaarster.jpg|thumb|right|''The Matchmaker'' <br />painting by Gerard van Honthorst (1590–1656)]]
People can meet other people on their own or the get-together can be arranged by someone else. Matchmaking is an art based entirely on hunches, since it is impossible to predict with certainty whether two people will like each other or not. "All you should ever try and do is make two people be in the same room at the same time," advised matchmaker Sarah Beeny in 2009, and the only rule is to make sure the people involved want to be set up.<ref name=twsDecH27ee3>{{cite news
People can meet other people on their own or the get-together can be arranged by someone else. Matchmaking is an art based entirely on hunches since it is impossible to predict with certainty whether two people will like each other or not. "All you should ever try and do is make two people be in the same room at the same time," advised matchmaker Sarah Beeny in 2009, and the only rule is to make sure the people involved want to be set up.<ref name=twsDecH27ee3>{{cite news
|author= Hannah Pool
|author= Hannah Pool
|title= What friends are for ... Hannah Pool was a matchmaking cynic – until she was set up with her current partner four years ago. So what advice does she have for potential matchmakers?
|title= What friends are for ... Hannah Pool was a matchmaking cynic – until she was set up with her current partner four years ago. So what advice does she have for potential matchmakers?
Line 617: Line 374:
|title= Internet changing the game of love
|title= Internet changing the game of love
|newspaper= USA Today
|newspaper= USA Today
|quote= Meeting through friends was also commonly cited by those in the 1992 National Health and Social Life Survey, co-directed by sociologist Edward Laumann of the University of Chicago. That survey questioned 3,300 adults ages 18 to 59....
|quote= Meeting through friends was also commonly cited by those in the 1992 National Health and Social Life Survey, co-directed by sociologist Edward Laumann of the University of Chicago. That survey questioned 3,300 adults ages 18 to 59...
|date= 2010-02-10
|date= 2010-02-10
|url= https://www.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2010-02-11-couplesmeet11_CV_U.htm
|url= https://www.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2010-02-11-couplesmeet11_CV_U.htm
Line 624: Line 381:
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20120628203421/http://www.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2010-02-11-couplesmeet11_CV_U.htm
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20120628203421/http://www.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2010-02-11-couplesmeet11_CV_U.htm
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> However, the Internet promises to overtake friends in the future, if present trends continue.<ref name="twsDecH21d" /><ref name=twsDecH21 /> A friend can introduce two people who do not know each other, and the friend may play matchmaker and send them on a [[wikt:blind date|blind date]]. In ''[[The Guardian]]'', British writer Hannah Pool was cynical about being set up on a blind date; she was told "basically he's you but in a male form" by the mutual friend.<ref name=twsDecH27ee1 /> She googled her blind date's name along with the words "wife" and "girlfriend" and "partner" and "boyfriend" to see whether her prospective date was in any kind of relationship or gay; he wasn't any of these things.<ref name=twsDecH27ee1 /> She met him for coffee in [[London, England|London]] and she now lives with him, sharing a home and business.<ref name=twsDecH27ee1>{{cite news
}}</ref> However, the Internet promises to overtake friends in the future if present trends continue.<ref name="twsDecH21d" /><ref name=twsDecH21 /> A friend can introduce two people who do not know each other, and the friend may play matchmaker and send them on a [[wikt:blind date|blind date]]. In ''[[The Guardian]]'', British writer Hannah Pool was cynical about being set up on a blind date; she was told, "basically he's you but in a male form" by a mutual friend.<ref name=twsDecH27ee1 /> She googled her blind date's name along with the words "wife" and "girlfriend" and "partner" and "boyfriend" to see whether her prospective date was in any kind of relationship or gay; he wasn't any of these things.<ref name=twsDecH27ee1 /> She met him for coffee in [[London, England|London]] and she now lives with him, sharing a home and business.<ref name=twsDecH27ee1>{{cite news
|author= Hannah Pool
|author= Hannah Pool
|title= What friends are for ... Hannah Pool was a matchmaking cynic – until she was set up with her current partner four years ago. So what advice does she have for potential matchmakers?
|title= What friends are for ... Hannah Pool was a matchmaking cynic – until she was set up with her current partner four years ago. So what advice does she have for potential matchmakers?
Line 637: Line 394:


=== Family as matchmakers ===
=== Family as matchmakers ===
Parents, via their contacts with associates or neighbors or friends, can introduce their children to each other. In [[India]], parents often place matrimonial ads in newspapers or online, and may post the resumes of the prospective bride or groom.<ref name=twsDecH36ff>{{cite news
Parents can introduce their children to each other via their contacts with associates, neighbors, or friends. In [[India]], parents often place matrimonial ads in newspapers or online, and may post the resumes of the prospective bride or groom.<ref name=twsDecH36ff>{{cite news
|author = Lavina Melwani
|author = Lavina Melwani
|title = The Mating Game
|title = The Mating Game
Line 651: Line 408:


=== Matchmaking systems and services ===
=== Matchmaking systems and services ===
As technology progressed the dating world progressed as well. In a timeline by Metro, a statistic [[matchmaking]] business opened in 1941, the first reality TV dating show was developed in 1965, and by the 1980s the public was introduced to video dating.<ref>{{cite web |last1=Mulshine |first1=Molly |title=The 80s version of Tinder was 'video dating' — and it looks incredibly awkward |url=http://www.techinsider.io/found-footage-awkward-80s-video-dating-2015-12 |website=Tech Insider |access-date=2023-03-15 |archive-date=2016-10-05 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20161005230414/http://www.techinsider.io/found-footage-awkward-80s-video-dating-2015-12 |url-status=live }}</ref> Video dating was a way for singles to sit in front of a camera and tell whoever may be watching something about themselves. The [[process of elimination]] was significant because now the viewer was able hear their voice, see their face and watch their body language to determine a [[physical attraction]] to the candidates.
Dating systems can be systematic and organized ways to improve [[matchmaking]] by using rules or technology. The meeting can be in-person or ''live'' as well as separated by time or space such as by [[telephone]] or [[email]] or chat-based. The purpose of the meeting is for the two persons to decide whether to go on a date in the future.

* '''Speed dating''' consists of organized matchmaking events that have multiple single persons meet one-on-one in brief timed sessions so that singles can assess further whether to have subsequent dates. An example is meeting perhaps twenty potential partners in a bar with brief interviews between each possible couple, perhaps lasting three minutes in length, and shuffling partners. In [[Shanghai, China|Shanghai]], one event featured eight-minute one-on-one meetings in which participants were pre-screened by age and education and career, and which costs 50 yuan (US$6) per participant; participants are asked not to reveal contact information during the brief meeting with the other person, but rather place names in cards for organizers to arrange subsequent dates.<ref name=twsDecI24>{{cite news
In [[online dating]], individuals create profiles where they disclose personal information, photographs, hobbies, interests, religion and expectations. Then the user can search through hundreds of thousands of accounts and connect with multiple people at once which in return, gives the user more options and more opportunity to find what meets their standards. Online dating has influenced the idea of [[choice]]. In ''[[Modern Romance: An Investigation]]'', [[Aziz Ansari]] states that one third of marriages in the United States between 2005 and 2012 met through online dating services.<ref>{{cite book |last1=Ansari |first1=Aziz |title=Modern Romance |date=2015 |publisher=Penguin Press |isbn=978-1-59420-627-6 |location=New York, New York |pages=79}}</ref> Today there are hundreds of sites to choose from and websites designed to fit specific needs such as [[Match.com|Match]], [[eHarmony]], [[OkCupid]], [[Zoosk]], and [[ChristianMingle]]. Mobile apps, such as [[Grindr]] and [[Tinder (app)|Tinder]] allow users to upload profiles that are then judged by others on the service; one can either swipe right on a profile (indicating interest) or swipe left (which presents another possible mate).

The Internet is shaping the way new generations date. [[Facebook]], [[Skype]], [[WhatsApp]], and other applications have made remote connections possible. Particularly for the LGBTQ+ community, where the dating pool can be more difficult to navigate due to discrimination and having a 'minority' status in society.

Online dating tools are an alternate way to meet potential dates.<ref>Lgbt Identity and Online New Media&nbsp;– Page 235, Christopher Pullen, Margaret Cooper – 2010</ref><ref>Gaydar Culture: Gay Men, Technology and Embodiment in the Digital Age&nbsp;– Page 186, Sharif Mowlabocus – 2010</ref> Many people use [[smartphone]] apps such as [[Tinder (app)|Tinder]], [[Grindr]], or [[Bumble (app)|Bumble]] which allow a user to accept or reject another user with a single swipe of a finger.<ref name=twsCQNews>CQ Press, CQ Researcher, Barbara Mantel, [http://library.cqpress.com/cqresearcher/document.php?id=cqresrre2015032000 Online dating: Can apps and algorithms lead to true love?] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20160825220732/http://library.cqpress.com/cqresearcher/document.php?id=cqresrre2015032000 |date=2016-08-25 }}, Retrieved June 12, 2016, "...Yet some researchers say dating companies' matchmaking algorithms are no better than Chance for providing suitable partners. At the same time, critics worry that the abundance of prospective dates available online is undermining relationships..."</ref> Some critics have suggested that matchmaking algorithms are imperfect and are "no better than chance" for the task of identifying acceptable partners.<ref name=twsCQNews /> Others have suggested that the speed and availability of emerging technologies may be undermining the possibility for couples to have long-term meaningful relationships when finding a replacement partner has potentially become too easy.<ref name=twsCQNews />

Dating systems can be systematic and organized ways to improve [[matchmaking]] by using rules or technology. The meeting can be in-person or ''live'' and separated by time or space, such as by [[telephone]] or [[email]] or chat-based. The purpose of the meeting is for the two persons to decide whether to go on a date in the future.
* '''Speed dating''' consists of organized matchmaking events that have multiple single persons meet one-on-one in brief timed sessions so that singles can assess further whether to have subsequent dates. An example is meeting perhaps twenty potential partners in a bar with brief interviews between each possible couple, perhaps three minutes long, and shuffling partners. In [[Shanghai, China|Shanghai]], one event featured eight-minute one-on-one meetings in which participants were pre-screened by age, education, and career and which cost 50 yuan (US$6) per participant; participants were asked not to reveal contact information during the brief meeting with the other person, but rather place names in cards for organizers to arrange subsequent dates.<ref name=twsDecI24>{{cite news
|author= Jin Haili
|author= Jin Haili
|title= The fast way to fall in love
|title= The fast way to fall in love
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|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100420204354/http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2004-09/16/content_375019.htm
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100420204354/http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2004-09/16/content_375019.htm
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> Advantages of speed dating: efficiency; "avoids an embarrassing disaster date"; cost-effective; way to make friends.<ref name=twsDecI24 /> Disadvantages: it can turn into a beauty contest with only a few good-looking participants getting most offers, while less attractive peers received few or no offers; critics suggest that the format prevents factors such as personality and [[intelligence]] from emerging, particularly in large groups with extra-brief meeting times.<ref name=twsDecI25>{{cite news
}}</ref> Advantages of speed dating include its efficiency and its cost effectiveness.<ref name=twsDecI24 /> Disadvantages of speed dating are that it can turn into a beauty contest with only a few good-looking participants getting most offers, while less attractive peers received few or no offers; critics suggest that the format prevents factors such as personality and [[intelligence]] from emerging, particularly in large groups with extra-brief meeting times.<ref name=twsDecI25>{{cite news
|title= Speed dating all about looks and not personality
|title= Speed dating all about looks and not personality
|newspaper= China Daily
|newspaper= China Daily
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==={{anchor|Computer dating}} Computers as matchmakers===<!--"Computer dating" redirects here-->
==={{anchor|Computer dating}} Computers as matchmakers===<!--"Computer dating" redirects here-->


Computer dating systems of the later 20th century, especially popular in the 1960s and 1970s, before the rise of sophisticated phone and computer systems, gave customers forms that they filled out with important tolerances and preferences, which were "matched by computer" to determine "compatibility" of the two customers. The history of dating systems is closely tied to the history of technologies that support them, although a statistics-based dating service that used data from forms filled out by customers opened in [[Newark, New Jersey]] in 1941.<ref>{{cite magazine | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=gU4EAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA78 | title=Life Goes on a Date Arranged by Statistics | magazine=Life | date=1942-08-03 | access-date=November 17, 2011 | page=78}}</ref>
Computer dating systems of the later 20th century, especially popular in the 1960s and 1970s, before the rise of sophisticated phone and computer systems, gave customers forms that they filled out with important tolerances and [[dating preferences]], which were "matched by computer" to determine "compatibility" of the two customers. The history of dating systems is closely tied to the history of technologies that support them, although a statistics-based dating service that used data from forms filled out by customers opened in [[Newark, New Jersey]] in 1941.<ref>{{cite magazine | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=gU4EAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA78 | title=Life Goes on a Date Arranged by Statistics | magazine=Life | date=1942-08-03 | access-date=November 17, 2011 | page=78}}</ref>


The first large-scale computer dating system, The Scientific Marriage Foundation, was established in 1957 by Dr. [[George W. Crane]].<ref>Eleanor Harris, "Men Without Women", Look, November 22, 1960, 124–30.</ref> In this system, forms that applicants filled out were processed by an [[IBM card sorter|IBM card sorting machine]]. The earliest commercially successfully computerized dating service in either the US or UK was Com-Pat, started by [[Joan Ball]] in 1964.<ref name="Hicks">{{Cite journal|last=Hicks|first=Marie|date=2016-11-01|title=Computer Love: Replicating Social Order Through Early Computer Dating Systems|url=http://adanewmedia.org/2016/10/issue10-hicks/|journal=Ada: A Journal of Gender, New Media, and Technology|issue=10|doi=10.7264/N3NP22QR|issn=2325-0496|access-date=2016-11-02|archive-date=2016-11-08|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20161108083040/http://adanewmedia.org/2016/10/issue10-hicks/|url-status=live}}</ref> [[Operation Match]], started by [[Harvard University]] students a year later is often erroneously claimed to be the "first computerized dating service."<ref name=latimes2015>[http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-dating-apps-20150129-story.html New dating apps cut to the chase, set up dates quickly] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20181227134630/https://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-dating-apps-20150129-story.html |date=2018-12-27 }}, Tracey Lein, Los Angeles Times, January 29, 2015</ref> In actuality, both Com-Pat and Operation Match were preceded by other computerized dating services in Europe—the founders of Operation Match and Joan Ball of Com-Pat both stated they had heard about these European computer dating services and that those served as the inspiration for their respective ideas to create computer dating businesses.<ref name="Hicks"/><ref>{{cite news | url=http://www.thecrimson.com/article/1965/11/3/operation-match-pif-you-stop-to/ | title=Operation Match, Harvard Crimson, November 3, 1965 | date=1965-11-03 | access-date=November 2, 2016 | archive-date=February 1, 2017 | archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20170201125127/http://www.thecrimson.com/article/1965/11/3/operation-match-pif-you-stop-to/ | url-status=live }}</ref>
The first large-scale computer dating system, The Scientific Marriage Foundation, was established in 1957 by Dr. [[George W. Crane]].<ref>Eleanor Harris, "Men Without Women", Look, November 22, 1960, 124–30.</ref> In this system, forms that applicants filled out were processed by an [[IBM card sorter|IBM card sorting machine]]. The earliest commercially successful computerized dating service in either the US or the UK was Com-Pat, started by [[Joan Ball]] in 1964.<ref name="Hicks">{{Cite journal|last=Hicks|first=Marie|date=2016-11-01|title=Computer Love: Replicating Social Order Through Early Computer Dating Systems|url=http://adanewmedia.org/2016/10/issue10-hicks/|journal=Ada: A Journal of Gender, New Media, and Technology|issue=10|doi=10.7264/N3NP22QR|issn=2325-0496|access-date=2016-11-02|archive-date=2016-11-08|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20161108083040/http://adanewmedia.org/2016/10/issue10-hicks/|url-status=live}}</ref> [[Operation Match]], started by [[Harvard University]] students a year later is often erroneously claimed to be the "first computerized dating service."<ref name=latimes2015>[http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-dating-apps-20150129-story.html New dating apps cut to the chase, set up dates quickly] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20181227134630/https://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-dating-apps-20150129-story.html |date=2018-12-27 }}, Tracey Lein, Los Angeles Times, January 29, 2015</ref> In actuality, both Com-Pat and Operation Match were preceded by other computerized dating services in Europe—the founders of Operation Match and Joan Ball of Com-Pat both stated they had heard about these European computer dating services and that those served as the inspiration for their respective ideas to create computer dating businesses.<ref name="Hicks"/><ref>{{cite news | url=http://www.thecrimson.com/article/1965/11/3/operation-match-pif-you-stop-to/ | title=Operation Match, Harvard Crimson, November 3, 1965 | date=1965-11-03 | access-date=November 2, 2016 | archive-date=February 1, 2017 | archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20170201125127/http://www.thecrimson.com/article/1965/11/3/operation-match-pif-you-stop-to/ | url-status=live }}</ref>


The longest running and most successful early computer dating business, both in terms of numbers of users and in terms of profits, was [[Dateline (dating service)|Dateline]], which was started in the UK in 1965 by [[John Richard Patterson|John Patterson]]. Patterson's business model was not fully legal, however. He was charged with fraud on several occasions for selling lists of the women who signed up for his service to men who were looking for prostitutes.<ref name="Hicks"/> Dateline existed until Patterson's death from alcoholism in 1997, and during the early 1990s it was reported to be the most profitable computer dating company in the world.<ref name="Hicks"/>
The longest running and most successful early computer dating business, both in terms of numbers of users and in terms of profits, was [[Dateline (dating service)|Dateline]], which was started in the UK in 1965 by [[John Richard Patterson|John Patterson]]. Patterson's business model was not fully legal, however. He was charged with fraud on several occasions for selling lists of the women who signed up for his service to men who were looking for prostitutes.<ref name="Hicks"/> Dateline existed until Patterson's death from alcoholism in 1997, and during the early 1990s it was reported to be the most profitable computer dating company in the world.<ref name="Hicks"/>
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===Using the Internet===
===Using the Internet===
Online dating services charge a fee to user to post a profile of himself or herself, perhaps using video or still images as well as descriptive data and personal preferences for dating, such as age range, hobbies, and so forth.
Online dating services charge users a fee to post profiles, perhaps using video or still images, descriptive data, and personal preferences for dating, such as age range, hobbies, and so forth.


Online dating was a $2 billion per year industry, {{As of|2014|lc=y}}, with an annual growth rate of 5%. The industry is dominated by a few large companies, such as [[EHarmony]], [[Zoosk]] and [[InterActiveCorp]], or IAC, which owns several brands including [[Match.com]] and [[OkCupid]], and new entrants continue to emerge.<ref name=latimes2015 /> In 2019, [[Taimi (app)|Taimi]], previously targeted to gay men, was re-introduced as a dating service for all LGBTQI+ people.
Online dating was a $2 billion per year industry, {{As of|2014|lc=y}}, with an annual growth rate of 5%. The industry is dominated by a few large companies, such as [[EHarmony]], [[Zoosk]] and [[InterActiveCorp]], or IAC, which owns several brands including [[Match.com]] and [[OkCupid]], and new entrants continue to emerge.<ref name=latimes2015 /> In 2019, [[Taimi (app)|Taimi]], previously targeted to gay men, was re-introduced as a dating service for all LGBTQI+ people.


Online dating businesses are thriving financially, with growth in members, service offerings, and membership fees and with many users renewing their accounts, although the overall share of Internet traffic using online dating services in the U.S. has declined from 2003 (21% of all Internet users) to 2006 (10%).
Online dating businesses are thriving financially, with growth in members, service offerings, and membership fees and many users renewing their accounts. However, the overall share of Internet traffic using online dating services in the U.S. has declined from 2003 (21% of all Internet users) to 2006 (10%).


While online dating has become more accepted, it retains a slight stigma.<ref name=twsDecH11>{{cite news
While online dating has become more accepted, it retains a slight stigma.<ref name=twsDecH11>{{cite news
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|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101128154047/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julie-spira/online-dating-tips-for-th_b_778714.html
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101128154047/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julie-spira/online-dating-tips-for-th_b_778714.html
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> One study suggested that 34% of men and 27% women have used the Internet for dating purposes,<ref>{{Cite web |last1=Vogels |first1=Emily A. |last2=McClain |first2=Colleen |title=Key findings about online dating in the U.S. |url=https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/ |access-date=2024-03-20 |website=Pew Research Center |date=2 February 2023 |language=en-US}}</ref> and that American's willingness to try it has been on the rise<ref>{{Cite web |title=10 facts about Americans and online dating |url=https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/02/06/10-facts-about-americans-and-online-dating/ |access-date=2024-04-06 |website=Pew Research Center |date=6 February 2020 |language=en-US}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH24>{{cite news
}}</ref> One study suggested that 18% of single persons{{where|date=February 2022}} had used the Internet for dating purposes.{{dead link|date=February 2022}}<ref name=twsDecH24>{{cite news
|author= Neil Offen
|author= Neil Offen
|title= Sociologists: Internet dating on the rise
|title= Sociologists: Internet dating on the rise
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The Pew study (see table) suggested the Internet was becoming increasingly prominent and accepted as a way to meet people for dates, although there were cautions about deception, the risk of violence,<ref name=twsDecH19e /> and some concerns about stigmas.<ref name=twsDecH19e /> The report suggested most people had positive experiences with online dating websites and felt they were excellent ways to meet more people.<ref name=twsDecH19e /> The report also said that online daters tend to have more liberal social attitudes compared to the general population.<ref name=twsDecH19e />
The Pew study (see table) suggested the Internet was becoming increasingly prominent and accepted as a way to meet people for dates, although there were cautions about deception, the risk of violence,<ref name=twsDecH19e /> and some concerns about stigmas.<ref name=twsDecH19e /> The report suggested most people had positive experiences with online dating websites and felt they were excellent ways to meet more people.<ref name=twsDecH19e /> The report also said that online daters tend to have more liberal social attitudes compared to the general population.<ref name=twsDecH19e />


Research from [[University of California, Berkeley|Berkeley University]] in California suggests there is a dropoff in interest after online daters meet face-to-face.<ref name=twsDecZb19>{{cite news
Research from [[University of California, Berkeley|Berkeley University]] in California suggests a drop-off in interest after online daters meet face-to-face.<ref name=twsDecZb19>{{cite news
|author= Abigail Goldman
|author= Abigail Goldman
|title= The Heart of the Matter: Online or off, couples still have to click.
|title= The Heart of the Matter: Online or off, couples still have to click.
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[[Mobile dating]] or cellphone dating refers to exchanging text messages to express interest in others on the system. These may be web-based or online as well, depending on the company.
[[Mobile dating]] or cellphone dating refers to exchanging text messages to express interest in others on the system. These may be web-based or online as well, depending on the company.


At a [[singles event]], a group of [[single person|singles]] are brought together to take part in various activities for the purposes of meeting new people. Events might include parties, workshops, and games. Many events are aimed at singles of particular affiliations, interests, or religions.<ref name="Morris">{{cite book|author=Lotu Tii |url=https://archive.org/details/fallinginloveaga00morr/page/80 |title=Monica B. Morris, ''Falling in Love Again: the mature woman's guide to finding romantic fulfillment'', p. 80 (2005) |date=March 2004 |isbn=9780757001369 |access-date=2020-08-14}}</ref>
At a [[singles event]], a group of [[single person|singles]] are brought together to take part in various activities for the purposes of meeting new people. Events might include parties, workshops, and games. Many events are aimed at singles of particular affiliations, interests, or religions.<ref name="Morris">{{cite book|author=Lotu Tii |url=https://archive.org/details/fallinginloveaga00morr/page/80 |title=Monica B. Morris, ''Falling in Love Again: the mature woman's guide to finding romantic fulfillment'', p. 80 (2005) |date=March 2004 |publisher=Square One Publishers |isbn=9780757001369 |access-date=2020-08-14}}</ref>


== Media ==
== Evaluation ==
{{See also|Courtship|Interpersonal relationship|Mate choice in humans}}
One of the main purposes of dating is for two or more people to evaluate one another's suitability as a long-term companion or spouse.<ref>Lori Jean Glass. "Dating with purpose" Pivot 10.5 (2022) |url=https://www.lovetopivot.com/dating-with-a-purpose/ {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20220717042547/https://www.lovetopivot.com/dating-with-a-purpose/ |date=2022-07-17 }}</ref> Often physical characteristics, personality, financial status, and other aspects of the involved persons are judged and, as a result, feelings can be hurt, and confidence shaken. Because of the uncertainty of the whole situation, the desire to be acceptable to the other person, and the possibility of [[Social rejection#Romantic rejection|rejection]], dating can be very stressful for all parties involved. Some studies have shown that dating tends to be extremely difficult for people with [[social anxiety disorder]].<ref>Stevens, Sarah B., and Tracy L. Morris. "College dating and social anxiety: Using the Internet as a means of connecting to others." CyberPsychology & Behavior 10.5 (2007): 680-688.</ref>


While some of what happens on a date is guided by an understanding of basic, unspoken rules, there is considerable room to experiment, and there are numerous sources of advice available.<ref name=twsDecZb19 /><ref name=twsDecH28fsf4>{{cite news
=== Board games ===
|author= Judi James
''[[Mystery Date (game)|Mystery Date]]'' is a [[board game]] from the [[Milton Bradley Company]], originally released in 1965 and reissued in 1970, 1999, and in 2005, whose object is to be ready for a date by acquiring three matching color-coded cards to assemble an outfit. The outfit must then match the outfit of the date at the "mystery door". If the player's outfit does not match the date behind the door, the door is closed, and play continues. The game has been mentioned, featured, or parodied in several popular films and television shows.
|title= Language of love
|newspaper= The Guardian
|date= 28 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-body-language-signals
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151224225145/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-body-language-signals
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH34m /> Sources of advice include magazine articles,<ref name=twsDecH27der5>{{cite news
|author= Marc Zakian
|title= Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= If you are rejected or ignored, remember that it is not about you. Don't focus on one person...
|date= 26 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151224203906/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|url-status= live
}}</ref> self-help books, [[dating coach]]es, friends, and many other sources.<ref name=twsDecUcc>{{cite news
|author= Alex Benzer
|title= Why The Smartest People Have The Toughest Time Dating
|work= Huffington Post
|quote= the following dating challenges seem to be common to most smart people. In fact, the smarter you are, the more clueless you will be, and the more problems you're going to have in your dating life.
|date= March 2, 2009
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/why-the-smartest-people-h_b_169939.html
|access-date= 2010-12-21
|archive-date= 2011-05-11
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110511153904/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/why-the-smartest-people-h_b_169939.html
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecQbb>{{cite news
|author= Ali Binazir
|title= Why Do Smart Guys Have A Tough Time Dating?
|work= Huffington Post
|quote= Here were smart, funny, good-looking guys surrounded by single women who were dying to be asked out – and not a whole lot was happening.
|date= February 8, 2010
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-ali-binazir/why-do-smart-guys-have-a_b_452874.html
|access-date= 2010-12-17
|archive-date= 2011-04-16
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110416040021/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-ali-binazir/why-do-smart-guys-have-a_b_452874.html
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecU13>{{cite news
|author= Jennifer 8. Lee
|title= A How-To on Dating and Dumping
|work= The New York Times
|quote= About 60 percent of New York respondents said that men should pay on the first date,
|date= February 2, 2009
|url= http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/02/a-how-to-on-dating-and-dumping/
|access-date= 2010-12-21
|archive-date= 2010-02-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100224212552/http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/02/a-how-to-on-dating-and-dumping/
|url-status= live
}}</ref> And the advice given can pertain to all facets of dating, including such aspects as where to go, what to say, what not to say, what to wear, how to end a date, how to flirt,<ref name=twsDecI26>{{cite news
|author= Carey Gillam
|title= Flirting can be more than fun, researchers say
|newspaper= China Daily
|date= 2010-11-17
|url= http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/cndy/2010-11/17/content_11560221.htm
|access-date= 2010-12-09
|archive-date= 2016-08-26
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20160826001051/http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/cndy/2010-11/17/content_11560221.htm
|url-status= live
}}</ref> and differing approaches regarding first dates versus subsequent dates.<ref name=twsDecH3foffi /> In addition, advice can apply to periods before a date, such as how to meet prospective partners,<ref name=twsDecH34m>{{cite news
|author= Carlene Thomas-Bailey
|title= Let me count the ways: From traditional to cutting-edge, Carlene Thomas-Bailey introduces a handful of ways to meet your match
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= Blind dates, classified ads, dating websites, hobbies, holidays, office romance, social networking, speed dating...
|date= 25 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-how-to-meet-people
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-25
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151225013240/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-how-to-meet-people
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH3foffi>{{cite news
|author= Carlene Thomas-Bailey
|title= Let me count the ways: From traditional to cutting-edge, Carlene Thomas-Bailey introduces a handful of ways to meet your match
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= First date: Keep it simple by going for coffee or after-work drinks. ...
|date= 25 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-how-to-meet-people
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-25
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151225013240/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-how-to-meet-people
|url-status= live
}}</ref> as well as after a date, such as how to break off a relationship.<ref name=twsDecH34i>{{cite news
|title= Raw dater
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= 30% of relationships are ended face to face.
|date= 24 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-statistics
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2013-11-09
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20131109135030/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-statistics
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH14>{{cite news
|author= Heide Banks
|title= Does It Matter How Many Frogs You Have Kissed?
|work= Huffington Post
|quote= A new book postulates that women who go through 34 dates should find true love around number 35. ... To believe love is just a numbers game would leave the bravest of us questioning, why even play?
|date= May 12, 2010
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heide-banks/relationship-advice-does_b_574108.html
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2010-05-19
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100519013816/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heide-banks/relationship-advice-does_b_574108.html
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH14aa>{{cite news
|author= Heide Banks
|title= Does It Matter How Many Frogs You Have Kissed?
|work= Huffington Post
|quote= Disappointment can create discouragement affecting other areas of our lives. Too many one-off dates that go nowhere can leave the best of us ready to hang up the little black dress in exchange for a pair of pjs and a pint of you know what.
|date= May 12, 2010
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heide-banks/relationship-advice-does_b_574108.html
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2010-05-19
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100519013816/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heide-banks/relationship-advice-does_b_574108.html
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH27der1>{{cite news
|author= Marc Zakian
|title= Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= ... The most appealing kind of email to send is friendly, funny and flattering, ... Don't write a tome or reveal too much, and don't suggest meeting up right away.
|date= 26 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151224203906/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH27der4>{{cite news
|author= Marc Zakian
|title= Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= There is, however, an unwritten rule in the internet dating world that it is acceptable to ignore mail from people who don't interest you. ...
|date= 26 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151224203906/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecH27der6>{{cite news
|author= Marc Zakian
|title= Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= A no-reply policy is often the result of experience. "If you send a thanks-but-no-thanks mail," says one dater, "it often triggers another email, pointing out that you should be interested in them because of X, Y and Z."
|date= 26 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2015-12-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151224203906/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/online-dating-etiquette-advice
|url-status= live
}}</ref>


There are now more than 350 businesses that offer dating coach services in the U.S., and the number of these businesses has surged since 2005.<ref>{{cite magazine
=== Television ===
|author= Jason Fell
Numerous [[Reality TV|television reality]] and [[game show]]s, past and current, address dating. For example, the [[dating game show]]s ''[[The Dating Game]]'' first aired in 1965, while more modern shows in that genre include ''[[The Manhattan Dating Project]]'' (US Movie about Dating in New York City), ''[[Blind Date (US TV series)|Blind Date]]'', ''[[The 5th Wheel]]'', and ''[[The Bachelor (US TV series)|The Bachelor]]'' and its spinoff series, in which a high degree of support and aids are provided to individuals seeking dates. These are described more fully [[Dating game show|here]] and in the related article on "[[reality game show]]s" that often include or motivate romantic episodes between players. Another category of dating-oriented reality TV shows involves [[matchmaking]], such as ''[[Millionaire Matchmaker]]'' and ''[[Tough Love (TV series)|Tough Love]]''. A popular dating-themed TV show in the UK is ''[[Take Me Out (British game show)|Take Me Out]]''.
|title= Wingman Businesses Cash in on Men's Dating Dilemmas
|url= http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/220127
|quote= Donovan says he has collected information on more than 500 businesses worldwide that offer dating coach services -- with almost 350 of those operating in the U.S. And the number of these businesses has surged since 2005, following Neil Strauss' New York Times bestselling book The Game.
|date= August 9, 2011
|magazine= Entrepreneur
|access-date= 2010-10-25
|archive-date= 2011-09-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110924045850/http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/220127
|url-status= live
}}</ref>{{update inline|date=December 2019|reason=factoid from 2011}} Frequency of dating varies by person and situation; among singles actively seeking partners, 36% had been on no dates in the past three months, 13% had one date, 22% had two to four dates and 25% had five or more dates, according to a 2005 U.S. survey.<ref name=twsDecH19e>{{cite news
|first1= Mary Research Specialist
|last1= Madden
|first2= Amanda Senior Research Specialist
|last2= Lenhart
|title= Online Dating: Americans who are seeking romance use the internet to help them in their search, but there is still widespread public concern about the safety of online dating
|publisher= Pew Internet & American Life Project
|date= September 2005
|url= http://www.pewinternet.org/Reports/2006/Online-Dating/01-Summary-of-Findings.aspx
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101128034411/http://www.pewinternet.org/Reports/2006/Online-Dating/01-Summary-of-Findings.aspx
|archive-date= 2010-11-28
|url-status= dead
}}</ref>


Judi James, author of ''The Body Language Bible'', suggests specific body language behaviors to note during a date:
== Age groups ==

Dating can happen for people in most age groups with the possible exception of young children. [[Teenagers]] and [[Preadolescence|tweens]] have been described as dating; according to the [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention|CDC]], three-quarters of eighth and ninth graders in the United States described themselves as "dating", although it is unclear what is exactly meant by this term.<ref name=twsDecH12>{{cite news
{{Blockquote|The date's probably not going so well if they start to scan the room, drop eye contact, open their body to the room rather than concentrating on you, drink quickly in an effort to escape, increase their blink rate - which signals boredom or irritation - or start carrying out self-attack gestures such as lip-biting or nail-picking.
|author= Madeline Wheeler
|Judi James in ''The Guardian''|<ref name=twsDecH28fsf1>{{cite news
|title= When a Girl Dies
|author= Judi James
|work= Huffington Post
|title= Language of love
|quote= According to a 2007 Centers of Disease Control (CDC) report, approximately 72 percent of 8th and 9th graders report that they are "dating."
|newspaper= The Guardian
|date= March 22, 2010
|quote= The copulatory gaze, looking lengthily at a new possible partner, ...
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/madeline-wheeler/when-a-girl-dies_b_501571.html
|date= 28 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-body-language-signals
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2010-03-30
|archive-date= 2015-12-24
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100330012238/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/madeline-wheeler/when-a-girl-dies_b_501571.html
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151224225145/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-body-language-signals
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref>}}
}}</ref> A 2018 study in the ''Journal of Youth and Adolescence'' found that serious dating among teenagers can have negative affects on a teenager's mood. This is most likely due to the incomplete cognitive and emotional development of teenagers that cause a lack of ability to handle the challenging aspects of romantic relationships.<ref>{{cite news |last1=McBride |first1=Jon |title=Study: Serious dating can create serious challenges for teens |url=https://news.byu.edu/news/study-serious-dating-can-create-serious-challenges-teens |access-date=March 13, 2019 |work=BYU News |publisher=Brigham Young University |date=March 7, 2019 |archive-date=March 14, 2019 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20190314191851/https://news.byu.edu/news/study-serious-dating-can-create-serious-challenges-teens |url-status=live }}</ref><ref>{{cite journal |last1=Rogers |first1=Adam A. |last2=Ha |first2=Thao |last3=Updegraff |first3=Kimberly A. |last4=Iida |first4=Masumi |s2cid=44447925 |title=Adolescents' Daily Romantic Experiences and Negative Mood: A Dyadic, Intensive, Longitudinal Study |journal=Journal of Youth and Adolescence |date=July 2018 |volume=47 |issue=7 |pages=1517–1530 |doi=10.1007/s10964-017-0797-y|pmid=29305673 |doi-access=free }}</ref>


== Love ==
Young persons are exposed to many people their own age in their [[high school]]s or [[secondary school]]s or [[college]] or [[university|universities]].<ref name=twsDecH21c /> There is anecdotal evidence that traditional dating—one-on-one public outings—has declined rapidly among the younger generation in the [[United States]] in favor of less intimate sexual encounters sometimes known as ''hookups'' (slang), described as brief sexual experiences with "no strings attached", although exactly what is meant by the term ''hookup'' varies considerably.<ref name=twsDecH25>{{cite news
The prospect of [[love]] often entails anxiety, sometimes with a fear of commitment <ref name="twsBoston22">{{cite news
| author= Monica O’Neal
| date= February 27, 2014
| newspaper= Boston Globe
| url= http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/health/blogs/daily-dose/2014/02/14/dating-boston-man-world/PMG6R6YUNX5VtgCnkdcfOM/blog.html
| title= Dating in Boston is a man's world
| access-date= February 29, 2016
| quote= ... He may experience discomfort with his or his partner’s normal, vulnerable emotions needed for intimacy and commitment, ...both men and women, it becomes clear that both genders deal with some anxiety about dating in Boston...
| archive-date= September 30, 2015
| archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20150930135015/http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/health/blogs/daily-dose/2014/02/14/dating-boston-man-world/PMG6R6YUNX5VtgCnkdcfOM/blog.html
| url-status= live
}}</ref> and a fear of intimacy for persons of both sexes.<ref name="twsChicagoTribune22">{{cite news
| author= Jenniffer Weigel
| date= May 13, 2014
| newspaper= Chicago Tribune
| url= https://www.chicagotribune.com/2014/05/13/letting-go-of-toxic-relationships/
| title= Letting go of toxic relationships: How to recognize the good from the bad and move on
| access-date= February 29, 2016
| quote= ...I find the majority of time, it's because of a fear of intimacy," said relationship therapist Laura Berman. ...
| archive-date= March 6, 2016
| archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20160306130831/http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2014-05-13/features/sc-fam-0513-toxic-relationship-20140513_1_person-the-human-magnet-syndrome-addiction
| url-status= live
}}</ref> One woman said "being really intimate with someone in a committed sense is kind of threatening" and described love as "the most terrifying thing."<ref name=twsDecH25cc>{{cite news
|author= Brenda Wilson
|author= Brenda Wilson
|title= Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships
|title= Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships
|work= National Public Radio
|work= National Public Radio
|quote= ... For many of us, the requisite vulnerability and exposure that comes from being really intimate with someone in a committed sense is kind of threatening. ...
|quote= The hookup — that meeting and mating ritual that started among high school and college students — is becoming a trend among young people who have entered the workaday world.
|date= June 8, 2009
|date= June 8, 2009
|url= https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
|url= https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
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|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101125191419/http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101125191419/http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> In her Psychology Today column, research scientist, columnist, and author [[Debby Herbenick]] compared it to a roller coaster:
}}</ref> Dating is being bypassed and is seen as archaic, and relationships are sometimes seen as "greedy" by taking time away from other activities,<ref name=twsDecM12c>{{cite news

|author1= Elizabeth A. Armstrong
{{Blockquote|There's something wonderful, I think, about taking chances on [[love]] and sex. ... Going out on a limb can be roller-coaster scary because none of us want to be rejected or to have our heart broken. But so what if that happens? I, for one, would rather fall flat on my face as I serenade my partner (off-key and all) in a bikini and a short little pool skirt than sit on the edge of the pool, dipping my toes in silence.|<ref name=twsDecM16>{{cite magazine
|author2= Laura Hamilton
|author= Debby Herbenick
|author3= Paula England
|title= Is Hooking Up Bad For Young Women?
|title= Why It Pays To Be Foolish in Love (and Sex)
|magazine= Psychology Today
|publisher= American Sociological Association
|date= March 15, 2010
|quote= Relationships are “greedy,” getting in the way of other things that young women want to be doing as adolescents and young adults, and they are often characterized by gender inequality—sometimes even violence.
|url= http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-pleasures-sex/201003/why-it-pays-be-foolish-in-love-and-sex
|date= Summer 2010
|url= http://contexts.org/articles/summer-2010/is-hooking-up-bad-for-young-women/
|access-date= 2010-12-13
|access-date= 2010-12-13
}}</ref>}}
|archive-date= 2015-01-02

|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20150102213041/http://contexts.org/articles/summer-2010/is-hooking-up-bad-for-young-women/
One dating adviser agreed that love is risky and wrote that "There is truly only one real danger that we must concern ourselves with and that is closing our hearts to the possibility that love exists."<ref name=twsDecH14cc>{{cite news
|author= Heide Banks
|title= Does It Matter How Many Frogs You Have Kissed?
|work= Huffington Post
|date= May 12, 2010
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heide-banks/relationship-advice-does_b_574108.html
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2010-05-19
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100519013816/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heide-banks/relationship-advice-does_b_574108.html
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref>
}}</ref> although exclusive relationships form later.<ref name=twsDecI34ff>{{cite news

|title = Courtship
== Controversy ==
|newspaper = China Daily
[[File:Helen Fisher at LaWeb 2008 in Paris.jpg|thumb|right|Anthropologist Helen Fisher in 2008]]
|quote = After the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, this "old-fashioned" form of dating waned in popularity....
What happens in the dating world can reflect larger currents within popular culture. For example, when the 1995 book ''[[The Rules]]'' appeared, it touched off media controversy about how men and women should relate to each other, with different positions taken by columnist [[Maureen Dowd]] of ''[[The New York Times]]''<ref name=twsDecH26e>{{cite news
|date = 2009-10-16
|author= Maureen Dowd quoting poet Dorothy Parker
|url = http://www1.chinadaily.com.cn/language_tips/auvideo/2009-10/16/content_8802864_2.htm
|title= What's a Modern Girl to Do?
|access-date = 2010-12-09
|newspaper= The New York Times
|url-status = dead
|quote= I knew it even before the 1995 publication of "The Rules," a dating bible that encouraged women to return to prefeminist mind games by playing hard to get....
|archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20110723130129/http://www1.chinadaily.com.cn/language_tips/auvideo/2009-10/16/content_8802864_2.htm
|year= 2005
|archive-date = 2011-07-23
|url= https://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
}}</ref> Some college newspapers have decried the lack of dating on campuses after a 2001 study was published, and conservative groups have promoted "traditional" dating.<ref name=twsDecI34gg>{{cite news
|title = Courtship
|newspaper = China Daily
|quote = In recent years, a number of college newspapers have featured editorials where students decry the lack of "dating" on their campuses....
|date = 2009-10-16
|url = http://www1.chinadaily.com.cn/language_tips/auvideo/2009-10/16/content_8802864_2.htm
|access-date = 2010-12-09
|url-status = dead
|archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20110723130129/http://www1.chinadaily.com.cn/language_tips/auvideo/2009-10/16/content_8802864_2.htm
|archive-date = 2011-07-23
}}</ref> When young people are in school, they have a lot of access to people their own age, and do not need tools such as online websites or dating services.<ref name=twsDecH23>{{cite news
|author1=Susan Sprecher |author2=Amy Wenzel |title= Handbook of Relationship Initiation
|publisher= Psychology Press
|quote= (paraphrase:) less keen on matchmaking services (see page 251 in Attitudes about relationship initiation at Internet matching services)
|year= 2008
|isbn= 978-0-8058-6160-0
|url= https://books.google.com/books?id=UND7Ps1ZZkEC&pg=PA251
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2011-04-10
}}</ref> Chinese writer Lao Wai, writing to homeland Chinese about America, considered that the college years were the "golden age of dating" for Americans, when Americans dated more than at any other time in their life.<ref name="twsDecI28">{{cite news |date=2004-02-06 |title='Lao wai' speak out on false image in China |newspaper=China Daily |url=http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2004-02/06/content_303955.htm |access-date=2010-12-09 |archive-date=2019-06-28 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20190628015403/http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2004-02/06/content_303955.htm |url-status=live }}</ref><ref name=twsDecH21c>{{cite news
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110410033738/http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
|author= Sharon Jayson
|url-status= live
|title= Internet changing the game of love
}}</ref> and British writer Kira Cochrane of ''[[The Guardian]]''<ref name=twsDecH27a134kbb>{{cite news
|newspaper= USA Today
|author= Kira Cochrane
|quote= Rosenfeld says what surprised him was that people over 30 were the ones who met partners online — rather than the twentysomethings he had expected. ...
|title= Should I follow any rules?
|date= 2010-02-10
|newspaper= The Guardian
|url= https://www.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2010-02-11-couplesmeet11_CV_U.htm
|quote= The Rules centres on the premise that "men are born to respond to challenge. Take away challenge and their interest wanes", and thus followers are instructed to suppress their natural instincts and continue as follows: ... never ask a man to dance, ... women should laugh at all their date's jokes...
|date= 24 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/rules-of-dating
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2012-06-28
|archive-date= 2015-12-25
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20120628203421/http://www.usatoday.com/LIFE/usaedition/2010-02-11-couplesmeet11_CV_U.htm
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151225010919/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/rules-of-dating
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> There are indications people in their twenties are less focused on marriage but on careers.<ref>{{cite news
}}</ref> and others.<ref name=twsDecH27b11cc>{{cite news
|author= Brenda Wilson
|author= Bibi van der Zee
|title= Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships
|title= Play by the Rules
|newspaper= The Guardian
|work= National Public Radio
|quote= Instead, he seemed to assume it was because I was busy, popular, and had better things to do. Which seemed to make him keener. When we went on dates, I would always be the one to leave. To my astonishment, he often took that as a cue to ask me out again.
|quote= Marriage is often the last thing on the minds of young people leaving college today. "My first few years out of college was about trying to get on my feet and having a good time," Welsh says. Dating and a relationship interfered with that.
|date= June 8, 2009
|date= 24 January 2009
|url= https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/the-rules-guide-to-dating
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2010-11-25
|archive-date= 2015-12-25
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101125191419/http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20151225013722/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/the-rules-guide-to-dating
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref>
}}</ref><ref name=twsDecIv12>{{cite news
|author = Christian Carter

|title = 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men
People over thirty, lacking recent college experience, have better luck online finding partners.<ref name=twsDecH21c /> Economist [[Sylvia Ann Hewlett]] in 2002 found that 55% of 35-year-old career women were childless, while 19% of male corporate executives were, and concluded that "the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is she will find a husband or bear a child."<ref name=twsDecH26l>{{cite news
|publisher = Paris Woman Journal
|quote = Mistake #8: Trying To “Convince” Him To Like You Or Love You ...
|year = 2006
|url = http://www.pariswoman.com/paris/reports/10_women_mistakes2.htm
|access-date = 2010-12-09
|url-status = dead
|archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20110210152641/http://www.pariswoman.com/paris/reports/10_women_mistakes2.htm
|archive-date = 2011-02-10
}}</ref> It has even caused [[anthropology|anthropologists]] such as [[Helen Fisher (anthropologist)|Helen Fisher]] to suggest that dating is a game designed to "impress and capture" which is not about "honesty" but "novelty", "excitement" and even "danger", which can boost [[dopamine]] levels in the brain.<ref name=twsDecH26f>{{cite news
|author= Maureen Dowd quoting poet Dorothy Parker
|author= Maureen Dowd quoting poet Dorothy Parker
|title= What's a Modern Girl to Do?
|title= What's a Modern Girl to Do?
|newspaper= The New York Times
|newspaper= The New York Times
|quote= Today, women have gone back to hunting their quarry – in person and in cyberspace – with elaborate schemes designed to allow the deluded creatures to think they are the hunters. ...
|quote= Sylvia Ann Hewlett, ... in 2002, conducted a survey and found that 55 percent of 35-year-old career women were childless. ... compared with only 19 percent of the men. ... "the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is she will find a husband or bear a child. ...
|year= 2005
|year= 2005
|url= https://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
|url= https://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
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|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110410033738/http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110410033738/http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> The subject of dating has spun off popular culture terms such as the ''[[friend zone]]'' which refers to a situation in which a dating relation evolves into a platonic non-sexual union.<ref name=twsFebX18>{{cite news
}}</ref>
|author= Gina B.

|title= What's so bad about the friend zone?
While people tend to date others close to their own age, it's possible for older men to date younger women. In many countries, the older-man-younger-woman arrangement is seen as permissible, sometimes with benefits. It's looked on more positively in the U.S. than in China for example; older men are described as more knowledgeable sexually and intellectually, supportive, skilled in the ways of women, and financially more secure so there's "no more going Dutch."<ref name=twsDecI36a>{{cite news
|newspaper= Chicago Tribune
|author= Qi Zhai
|date= January 12, 2007
|title= Reasons why 'silver foxes' outperform 'weird uncles'
|url= https://www.chicagotribune.com/2007/01/12/whats-so-bad-about-the-friend-zone/
|newspaper= China Daily
|date= 2010-07-09
|access-date= 2011-02-24
|archive-date= 2012-08-12
|url= http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/metro/2010-07/09/content_10085925.htm
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20120812022744/http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2007-01-12/news/0701120408_1_new-friends-attraction-friendship
|access-date= 2010-12-09
|archive-date= 2010-11-09
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101109202047/http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/metro/2010-07/09/content_10085925.htm
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref><ref name=twsFebX19>{{cite news
}}</ref> In China, older men with younger women are more likely to be described as "weird uncles" rather than "silver foxes."<ref name=twsDecI36a /> One Beijing professor reportedly advised his male students to delay dating:
|author= Ali Binazir M.D. M.Phil.

|title= How to stay out of the Friend Zone
{{Blockquote|Research shows that successful men are, on average, older than their spouses by 12 years; exceptional men, by 17 years; and Nobel laureates, well, they can be 54 years older than their mates. Why date now when your ideal wives are still in kindergarten!|<ref name=twsDecI36a />}}
|website= TaoOfDating.com

|date= February 2011
[[File:Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher TechCrunch50.jpg|thumb|right|Actress [[Demi Moore]], when she was dating younger actor [[Ashton Kutcher]], had been described as a ''[[Cougar (slang)|cougar]]''.]]
|url= http://taoofdating.com/how-to-stay-out-of-friend-zone/
A notable example of the older-woman-younger-man is [[Demi Moore]] pairing with 15-years-her-junior [[Ashton Kutcher]]. Older women in such relations have recently been described as "cougars", and formerly such relationships were often kept secret or discreet, but there is a report that such relationships are becoming more accepted and increasing.<ref name=twsDecIv18>{{cite news
|access-date= 2011-02-24
|author= Linda Franklin
|archive-date= 2011-03-02
|title= Young men beware, "cougar women" on the prowl
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110302233535/http://taoofdating.com/how-to-stay-out-of-friend-zone/
|work= France 24
|url-status= live
|quote= ... "Cougar women" in the US are coming out of the dark and flaunting their younger boyfriends....
}}</ref><ref name=twsFebX32>{{cite news
|date= 2009-10-21
|author1=Ron Louis |author2=David Copeland |title= How To Succeed With Women: Revised and Updated
|url= http://observers.france24.com/en/content/20091021-young-men-beware-cougar-women-on-prowl-older-women-survey
|publisher= Prentice Hall Press
|access-date= 2010-12-09
|year= 2009
|archive-date= 2010-08-08
|url= https://books.google.com/books?id=pHzb7_bZTSwC&pg=PT205
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100808150705/http://observers.france24.com/en/content/20091021-young-men-beware-cougar-women-on-prowl-older-women-survey
|isbn= 978-1-4406-6211-9
|access-date= 2011-02-24
}}</ref><ref name=twsFebX23>{{cite news
|author= Eric V. Copage
|title= For New Pickup Lines, Pay $377 and Go Practice
|newspaper= The New York Times
|date= June 6, 2010
|url= https://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/07/nyregion/07dating.html
|access-date= 2011-02-24
|archive-date= 2010-06-10
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20100610072230/http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/07/nyregion/07dating.html
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref>
}}</ref>


== Dating violence ==
Since [[divorce]] is increasing in many areas, sometimes celebrated with "[[divorce party|divorce parties]]",<ref name=twsDecIv23>{{cite news
{{See also|Dating violence|Intimate partner sexual violence|Date rape}}
|title= Wedding dress, photographer, cake: must be a divorce party
According to one report, there was a 10% chance of violence between students happening between a [[boyfriend]] and [[girlfriend]], sometimes described as "intimate partner violence", over a 12–month period.<ref name=twsDecH13>{{cite news
|work= France 24
|author = US government
|quote= the "divorce party" is now flourishing in the UK too...
|title = Understanding Teen Dating Violence
|date= 2010-09-03
|publisher = Centers for Disease Control
|url= http://observers.france24.com/en/content/20100309-wedding-dress-photographer-cake-must-be-divorce-party
|quote = Dating violence is a type of intimate partner violence....
|access-date= 2010-12-09
|year = 2009
|archive-date= 2011-01-01
|url = https://www.cdc.gov/TeenDatingViolence2009-a.pdf
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20110101160337/http://observers.france24.com/en/content/20100309-wedding-dress-photographer-cake-must-be-divorce-party
|access-date = 2010-12-08
|url-status= live
}}</ref> there is dating advice for the freshly divorced as well, which includes not talking about your ex or your divorce but focusing on "activities that bring joy to your life."<ref name=twsDecH17bb>{{cite news
}}</ref> A 2004 estimate was that 20% of U.S. high school girls aged 14–18 were "hit, slapped, shoved or forced into sexual activity".<ref name=twsDecH16>{{cite news
|author= Julie Spira
|author= Kate Stone Lombardi
|title= Online Dating Advice for the Newly Divorced
|title= Next Generation; One Simple Rule for Dating: No Violence
|newspaper= The New York Times
|work= Huffington Post
|quote= Ms. Lutz told the boys that among high school girls surveyed from the ages of 14 to 18, about 20 percent reported that they had been hit, slapped, shoved or forced into sexual activity by a dating partner. ...
|quote= First of all, my recommendation is to be ready and to be authentic. ...
|date= November 22, 2010
|date= April 18, 2004
|url= https://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F03E2D6143BF93BA25757C0A9629C8B63
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julie-spira/online-dating-tips-for-th_b_778714.html
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|access-date= 2010-12-08
}}</ref> Violence while dating isn't limited to any one culture or group or religion, but remains an issue in different countries<ref name=twsDecIv11>{{cite news
|author-link= Julie Spira
|title = Domestic violence
|archive-date= 2010-11-28
|newspaper = Saudi Gazette
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20101128154047/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julie-spira/online-dating-tips-for-th_b_778714.html
|quote = Wikipedia tells us that domestic violence ... can be broadly defined as a pattern of abusive behaviors by one or both partners in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating...
|url-status= live
|date = 2010-12-09
}}</ref> Adviser Claire Rayner in ''The Guardian'' suggests calling people from your address book with whom you haven't been in touch for years and say "I'd love to get back in contact."<ref name=twsDecH35>{{cite news
|url = http://www.saudigazette.com.sa/index.cfm?method=home.regcon&contentID=2010112888195
|author= Claire Rayner
|access-date = 2010-12-09
|title= Claire Rayner's tips for the older dater
|url-status = dead
|archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20120517075219/http://www.saudigazette.com.sa/index.cfm?method=home.regcon&contentID=2010112888195
|archive-date = 2012-05-17
}}</ref> (It is usually the female who is the victim, but there have been cases where males have been hurt as well.). [[Lady Sarah McCorquodale|Sara McCorquodale]] suggests that women meeting strangers on dates meet initially in busy public places, share details of upcoming dates with friends or family so they know where they'll be and who they'll be with, avoid revealing one's surname or address, and conduct searches on them on the Internet prior to the date.<ref name=twsDecH33>{{cite news
|author= Sara McCorquodale
|title= Safety first: how to put your mind at ease
|newspaper= The Guardian
|newspaper= The Guardian
|quote= ...To begin with, it is important that someone knows where you are.
|quote= Search through your address book, call people you haven't spoken to in years and say: "I'd love to get back in contact." ...
|date= 25 January 2009
|date= 24 January 2009
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/claire-rayner-older-dater-advice
|url= https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-safety-drinking-advice
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|access-date= 2010-12-08
|archive-date= 2014-11-17
|archive-date= 2014-11-17
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20141117073505/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/claire-rayner-older-dater-advice
|archive-url= https://web.archive.org/web/20141117073313/http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/dating-safety-drinking-advice
|url-status= live
|url-status= live
}}</ref> Do activities you like doing with like-minded people; if someone seems interesting to you, tell them.<ref name=twsDecH35 /> It's more acceptable for this group for women to ask men out.<ref name=twsDecH35 />
}}</ref> One advisor suggested: Don't leave drinks unattended; have an exit plan if things go badly; and ask a friend to call you on your cell phone an hour into the date to ask how it's going.<ref name=twsDecH33 />

== Media ==

=== Board games ===
''[[Mystery Date (game)|Mystery Date]]'' is a [[board game]] from the [[Milton Bradley Company]], originally released in 1965 and reissued in 1970, 1999, and in 2005, whose object is to be ready for a date by acquiring three matching color-coded cards to assemble an outfit. The outfit must then match the outfit of the date at the "mystery door". If the player's outfit does not match the date behind the door, the door is closed, and play continues. The game has been mentioned, featured, or parodied in several popular films and television shows.

=== Television ===
Numerous [[Reality TV|television reality]] and [[game show]]s, past and current, address dating. For example, the [[dating game show]]s ''[[The Dating Game]]'' first aired in 1965, while more modern shows in that genre include ''[[The Manhattan Dating Project]]'' (US Movie about Dating in New York City), ''[[Blind Date (US TV series)|Blind Date]]'', ''[[The 5th Wheel]]'', and ''[[The Bachelor (US TV series)|The Bachelor]]'' and its spinoff series, in which a high degree of support and aids are provided to individuals seeking dates. These are described more fully [[Dating game show|here]] and in the related article on "[[reality game show]]s" that often include or motivate romantic episodes between players. Another category of dating-oriented reality TV shows involves [[matchmaking]], such as ''[[Millionaire Matchmaker]]'' and ''[[Tough Love (TV series)|Tough Love]]''. A popular dating-themed TV show in the UK is ''[[Take Me Out (British game show)|Take Me Out]]''.


== See also ==
== See also ==
Line 1,009: Line 1,001:
* [[Comparison of online dating services]]
* [[Comparison of online dating services]]
* [[Group dating]]
* [[Group dating]]
* [[Interpersonal attraction]]
* [[Principle of least interest]]
* [[Secret dating]]
* [[Secret dating]]
* [[Seduction]]
* [[Teen dating violence]]
* [[Teen dating violence]]
* [[Treating (dating)|Treating ]]
* [[Treating (dating)|Treating ]]
Line 1,045: Line 1,040:
==Further reading==
==Further reading==
* {{cite book |title=Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating |author=Moira Weigel |year=2016 |publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux |isbn=978-0374182533}}
* {{cite book |title=Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating |author=Moira Weigel |year=2016 |publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux |isbn=978-0374182533}}
* Anna Brown (2020). "Nearly Half of U.S. Adults Say Dating Has Gotten Harder for Most People in the Last 10 Years". Pew Research Center. https://pewrsr.ch/3ldzwKm


==External links==
==External links==

Latest revision as of 13:41, 1 November 2024

Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in which two individuals regularly engage in activity together, most often with the intention of evaluating each other's suitability as a partner in a future intimate relationship. It falls into the category of courtship, consisting of social events carried out by the couple either alone or with others.

The first date is important, sometimes for making a good first impression, or because dating may lead to a more serious relationship, or a breakup, or friendzoning. If the relationship progresses, the next steps may include meeting the parents or other family, cohabitation, engagement and marriage. Even after the relationship develops, couples still may organize a date or "date night".

With the internet, many dating sites have been created to modernize the personals section of newspapers as a way to find prospective partners. Speed dating, blind dating, and the use of matchmaking are all possible ways of beginning the dating process. Group dating is a modern dating practice especially popular in Japan.

Etymology

[edit]

The earliest usage of the noun "date" is in 1896 by George Ade, a columnist for the Chicago Record.[1] Date referred to "public" courtship, when a woman would meet a man publicly rather than privately at a residence or at court. In Ade's 1899 "Fabels in Slang", he used the term "Date Book" to describe a type of ledger system a cashier used to track dates with suitors until she married.[2]

Different meanings of the term

[edit]

While the term dating has many meanings, the most common refers to a trial period in which two people explore whether to take the relationship further towards a more permanent relationship; in this sense, dating refers to the time when people are physically together in public as opposed to the earlier time period in which people are arranging the date, perhaps by corresponding by email or text or phone.[3]

Another meaning of the term dating is to describe a stage in a person's life when they are actively pursuing romantic relationships with different people. If two unmarried celebrities are seen in public together, they are often described as "dating" which means they were seen in public together, and it is not clear whether they are merely friends, exploring a more intimate relationship, or are romantically involved. A related sense of the term is when two people have been out in public only a few times but have not yet committed to a relationship; in this sense, dating describes an initial trial period and can be contrasted with "being in a committed relationship".

Wide variation in behavior patterns

[edit]
Julie Andrews as Mary Poppins

And the only rule is that there are no rules.

Social rules regarding dating vary considerably according to variables such as social class, race, religion, age, sexual orientation and gender. Behavior patterns and dating preferences are generally unwritten and constantly changing. There are considerable differences between social and personal values.

Since dating can be stressful, there is the possibility of humor to try to reduce tensions. For example, director Blake Edwards wanted to date singing star Julie Andrews, and he joked in parties about her persona by saying that her "endlessly cheerful governess" image from movies such as Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music gave her the image of possibly having "lilacs for pubic hair";[5] Andrews appreciated his humor, sent him lilacs, dated him and later married him, and the couple stayed together for 41 years until his death in 2010.[5]

Gendered norms and preferences

[edit]

Gendered heterosexual dating norms include men asking women on dates, men planning and paying for dates, men proposing exclusivity, men proposing marriage to women.[6] Gendered heterosexual dating norms for women generally include either accepting or rejecting men's initiatives and avoiding overt initiative.[7]

Online dating patterns suggest that men are more likely to initiate online exchanges (over 75%) and extrapolate that men are less "choosy", seek younger women, and "cast a wide net".[8] One common gendered dating preference is that heterosexual men prefer women's physical attractiveness more than reverse.[9][10] In a similar vein, the stereotype for heterosexual women is that they seek well-educated men who are their age or older with high-paying jobs.[9] Evolutionary psychology suggests that "women are the choosier of the genders" since "reproduction is a much larger investment for women" who have "more to lose by making bad choices."[11] Women's endorsement of gendered dating norms tends to increase with benevolent sexism, preference for dominant men and long-term relationships.[12] Some women perceive benevolent gendered dating norms benefit them, such as "women should be protected and taken care of by men".[7] Some women endorse gendered dating norms due to their view that men's commitment is less assured than women's commitment, which can be seen as internalized sexism.[7]

While many gendered dating norms follow patriarchy or chivalry, the online dating app Bumble enforced until 2024 the gendered dating norm that heterosexual women send the first message after matching.[13][14]

Gender egalitarian norms

[edit]

Gender egalitarian dating norms have no gendered differences in dating norms, in line with gender equality.[7] Going dutch at dates refers to the equal split of the bill at dates.[15] Some women reject gender equal norms, such as women approaching men, due to fear of rejection, to avoid be seen desperate, viewing symbolic gendering as benevolent or viewing men following gender egalitarian dating norms as lack of men's interest.[7] Some women report privately playing a decisive role in the timing of the marriage proposal, while publicly following gendered courtship conventions.[7] Gender inequality in dating with gender equality at work can result in contradictions.[7]

Work-life balance

[edit]

Some view that women should fulfill the role of primary caregivers, with little to no spousal support and with few services by employers or government such as parental leave or childcare. Accordingly, an issue regarding dating is the subject of career timing which generates controversy. Some views reflect a traditional notion of gender roles. For example, Danielle Crittenden in What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us argued that having both a career and family at the same time was taxing and stressful for a woman; as a result, she suggested that women should date in their early twenties with a seriousness of purpose, marry when their relative beauty permitted them to find a reliable partner, have children, then return to work in their early thirties with kids in school; Crittenden acknowledged that splitting a career path with a ten-year baby-raising hiatus posed difficulties.[16] There are contrasting views which suggest that women should focus on careers in their twenties and thirties.[17] It is increasingly common today, however, with new generations and in a growing number of countries, to frame the work-life balance issue as a social problem rather than a gender problem. With the advent of a changing workplace, the increased participation of women in the labor force, an increasing number of men who are picking up their share of parenting and housework,[18] and more governments and industries committing themselves to achieving gender equality, the question of whether or not, or when to start a family is slowly being recognized as an issue that touches (or should touch) both genders.

Age groups

[edit]

Dating can happen for people in most age groups with the possible exception of young children. Teenagers and tweens have been described as dating; according to the CDC, three-quarters of eighth and ninth graders in the United States described themselves as "dating", although it is unclear what is exactly meant by this term.[19] A 2018 study in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence found that serious dating among teenagers can have negative affects on a teenager's mood. This is most likely due to the incomplete cognitive and emotional development of teenagers that cause a lack of ability to handle the challenging aspects of romantic relationships.[20][21]

Young persons are exposed to many people their own age in their high schools or secondary schools or college or universities.[22] There is anecdotal evidence that traditional dating—one-on-one public outings—has declined rapidly among the younger generation in the United States in favor of less intimate sexual encounters sometimes known as hookups (slang), described as brief sexual experiences with "no strings attached", although exactly what is meant by the term hookup varies considerably.[23] Dating is being bypassed and is seen as archaic, and relationships are sometimes seen as "greedy" by taking time away from other activities,[24] although exclusive relationships form later.[25] Some college newspapers have decried the lack of dating on campuses after a 2001 study was published, and conservative groups have promoted "traditional" dating.[26] When young people are in school, they have a lot of access to people their own age, and do not need tools such as online websites or dating services.[27] Chinese writer Lao Wai, writing to homeland Chinese about America, considered that the college years were the "golden age of dating" for Americans, when Americans dated more than at any other time in their life.[28][22] There are indications people in their twenties are less focused on marriage but on careers.[29]

People over thirty, lacking recent college experience, have better luck online finding partners.[22] Economist Sylvia Ann Hewlett in 2002 found that 55% of 35-year-old career women were childless, while 19% of male corporate executives were, and concluded that "the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is she will find a husband or bear a child."[30]

While people tend to date others close to their own age, it's possible for older men to date younger women. In many countries, the older-man-younger-woman arrangement is seen as permissible, sometimes with benefits. It's looked on more positively in the U.S. than in China for example; older men are described as more knowledgeable sexually and intellectually, supportive, skilled in the ways of women, and financially more secure so there's "no more going Dutch."[31] In China, older men with younger women are more likely to be described as "weird uncles" rather than "silver foxes."[31] One Beijing professor reportedly advised his male students to delay dating:

Research shows that successful men are, on average, older than their spouses by 12 years; exceptional men, by 17 years; and Nobel laureates, well, they can be 54 years older than their mates. Why date now when your ideal wives are still in kindergarten!

— [31]
Actress Demi Moore, when she was dating younger actor Ashton Kutcher, had been described as a cougar.

A notable example of the older-woman-younger-man is Demi Moore pairing with 15-years-her-junior Ashton Kutcher. Older women in such relations have recently been described as "cougars", and formerly such relationships were often kept secret or discreet, but there is a report that such relationships are becoming more accepted and increasing.[32]

Since divorce is increasing in many areas, sometimes celebrated with "divorce parties",[33] there is dating advice for the freshly divorced as well, which includes not talking about your ex or your divorce but focusing on "activities that bring joy to your life."[34] Adviser Claire Rayner in The Guardian suggests calling people from your address book with whom you haven't been in touch for years and say "I'd love to get back in contact."[35] Do activities you like doing with like-minded people; if someone seems interesting to you, tell them.[35] It's more acceptable for this group for women to ask men out.[35]

LGBT+

[edit]
A same-sex male couple holding hands on the street

Dating behavior of non-heterosexual individuals does not always reflect their self-ascribed sexual orientation. Some people recognize from an early age that they are attracted to the same sex or both/all sexes but may initially adhere to heterosexual norms in their dating behaviors. Some individuals who identify as LGBT+ but are questioning or have not come out to their peers and family, may wait years before they start dating their preferred sex.[36]

According to a Psychology Today report, men who identify as homosexual recognize their same-sex attraction in their late teens or early twenties, and tend to care more about physical attractiveness than status of a prospective partner.[37] Men who identify as homosexual, on average, tend to have more sexual partners, while women who identify as lesbian tend to form steadier one-on-one relationships, and tend to be less promiscuous than heterosexual women.[37]

In India, transgender individuals and eunuchs have used online dating to help them find partners, but there continue to be strong societal pressures which marginalize them.[38]

In studies comparing children with heterosexual families and children with homosexual families, there have been no major differences noted; though some claims suggest that kids with homosexual parents end up more well-adjusted than their peers with heterosexual parents, purportedly due to the lack of marginalizing gender roles in same-sex families.[39]

Initiation

[edit]
Ballroom dancing is one way to get to know somebody on a date.

There are numerous ways to meet potential dates, including blind dates, classified ads, dating websites, hobbies, holidays, office romance, social networking, speed dating, or simply talking in public places, vehicles or houses. A Pew study in 2005 which examined Internet users in long-term relationships including marriage, found that many met by contacts at work or at school.[40] The survey found that 55% of relationship-seeking singles agreed that it was "difficult to meet people where they live."[40] Work is a common place to meet potential spouses, although there are some indications that the Internet is overtaking the workplace as an introduction venue.[41] One drawback of office dating is that a bad date can lead to "workplace awkwardness."[42]

The Matchmaker
painting by Gerard van Honthorst (1590–1656)

People can meet other people on their own or the get-together can be arranged by someone else. Matchmaking is an art based entirely on hunches since it is impossible to predict with certainty whether two people will like each other or not. "All you should ever try and do is make two people be in the same room at the same time," advised matchmaker Sarah Beeny in 2009, and the only rule is to make sure the people involved want to be set up.[43] One matchmaker advised it was good to match "brains as well as beauty" and try to find people with similar religious and political viewpoints and thinks that like-minded people result in more matches, although acknowledging that opposites sometimes attract.[44] It is easier to put several people together at the same time, so there are other candidates possible if one doesn't work out.[44] And, after introducing people, don't meddle.[44]

Friends as matchmakers

[edit]

Friends remain a common way for people to meet.[45] However, the Internet promises to overtake friends in the future if present trends continue.[41][45] A friend can introduce two people who do not know each other, and the friend may play matchmaker and send them on a blind date. In The Guardian, British writer Hannah Pool was cynical about being set up on a blind date; she was told, "basically he's you but in a male form" by a mutual friend.[46] She googled her blind date's name along with the words "wife" and "girlfriend" and "partner" and "boyfriend" to see whether her prospective date was in any kind of relationship or gay; he wasn't any of these things.[46] She met him for coffee in London and she now lives with him, sharing a home and business.[46] When friends introduce two people who do not know each other, it is often called a blind date.

Family as matchmakers

[edit]

Parents can introduce their children to each other via their contacts with associates, neighbors, or friends. In India, parents often place matrimonial ads in newspapers or online, and may post the resumes of the prospective bride or groom.[47]

Matchmaking systems and services

[edit]

As technology progressed the dating world progressed as well. In a timeline by Metro, a statistic matchmaking business opened in 1941, the first reality TV dating show was developed in 1965, and by the 1980s the public was introduced to video dating.[48] Video dating was a way for singles to sit in front of a camera and tell whoever may be watching something about themselves. The process of elimination was significant because now the viewer was able hear their voice, see their face and watch their body language to determine a physical attraction to the candidates.

In online dating, individuals create profiles where they disclose personal information, photographs, hobbies, interests, religion and expectations. Then the user can search through hundreds of thousands of accounts and connect with multiple people at once which in return, gives the user more options and more opportunity to find what meets their standards. Online dating has influenced the idea of choice. In Modern Romance: An Investigation, Aziz Ansari states that one third of marriages in the United States between 2005 and 2012 met through online dating services.[49] Today there are hundreds of sites to choose from and websites designed to fit specific needs such as Match, eHarmony, OkCupid, Zoosk, and ChristianMingle. Mobile apps, such as Grindr and Tinder allow users to upload profiles that are then judged by others on the service; one can either swipe right on a profile (indicating interest) or swipe left (which presents another possible mate).

The Internet is shaping the way new generations date. Facebook, Skype, WhatsApp, and other applications have made remote connections possible. Particularly for the LGBTQ+ community, where the dating pool can be more difficult to navigate due to discrimination and having a 'minority' status in society.

Online dating tools are an alternate way to meet potential dates.[50][51] Many people use smartphone apps such as Tinder, Grindr, or Bumble which allow a user to accept or reject another user with a single swipe of a finger.[52] Some critics have suggested that matchmaking algorithms are imperfect and are "no better than chance" for the task of identifying acceptable partners.[52] Others have suggested that the speed and availability of emerging technologies may be undermining the possibility for couples to have long-term meaningful relationships when finding a replacement partner has potentially become too easy.[52]

Dating systems can be systematic and organized ways to improve matchmaking by using rules or technology. The meeting can be in-person or live and separated by time or space, such as by telephone or email or chat-based. The purpose of the meeting is for the two persons to decide whether to go on a date in the future.

  • Speed dating consists of organized matchmaking events that have multiple single persons meet one-on-one in brief timed sessions so that singles can assess further whether to have subsequent dates. An example is meeting perhaps twenty potential partners in a bar with brief interviews between each possible couple, perhaps three minutes long, and shuffling partners. In Shanghai, one event featured eight-minute one-on-one meetings in which participants were pre-screened by age, education, and career and which cost 50 yuan (US$6) per participant; participants were asked not to reveal contact information during the brief meeting with the other person, but rather place names in cards for organizers to arrange subsequent dates.[53] Advantages of speed dating include its efficiency and its cost effectiveness.[53] Disadvantages of speed dating are that it can turn into a beauty contest with only a few good-looking participants getting most offers, while less attractive peers received few or no offers; critics suggest that the format prevents factors such as personality and intelligence from emerging, particularly in large groups with extra-brief meeting times.[54]

(Speed dating is) a fast and comfortable way to meet people. It helps enlarge my social contacts. I don't care if I can't find a girlfriend there. I just want to try my luck, and if she is there, then that will be a big bonus.

— Huang Xiao, salesman, age 27, [53]
  • Video dating systems of the 1980s and 1990s especially, where customers gave a performance on (typically VHS) video, which was viewable by other customers, usually in private, in the same facility. Some services would record and play back videos for men and women on alternate days to minimize the chance that customers would meet each other on the street.
  • Phone dating systems of about the same vintage, where customers call a common voice mail or phone-chat server at a common local phone number, and are connected with other (reputed) singles, and typically charged by the minute as if it were a long-distance call (often a very expensive one). A key problem of such systems was that they were hard to differentiate from a phone porn service or "phone sex" where female operators are paid to arouse male customers and have no intention of ever dating them.
  • Online dating systems use websites or mobile phone apps to connect possible romantic or sexual partners.

Computers as matchmakers

[edit]

Computer dating systems of the later 20th century, especially popular in the 1960s and 1970s, before the rise of sophisticated phone and computer systems, gave customers forms that they filled out with important tolerances and dating preferences, which were "matched by computer" to determine "compatibility" of the two customers. The history of dating systems is closely tied to the history of technologies that support them, although a statistics-based dating service that used data from forms filled out by customers opened in Newark, New Jersey in 1941.[55]

The first large-scale computer dating system, The Scientific Marriage Foundation, was established in 1957 by Dr. George W. Crane.[56] In this system, forms that applicants filled out were processed by an IBM card sorting machine. The earliest commercially successful computerized dating service in either the US or the UK was Com-Pat, started by Joan Ball in 1964.[57] Operation Match, started by Harvard University students a year later is often erroneously claimed to be the "first computerized dating service."[58] In actuality, both Com-Pat and Operation Match were preceded by other computerized dating services in Europe—the founders of Operation Match and Joan Ball of Com-Pat both stated they had heard about these European computer dating services and that those served as the inspiration for their respective ideas to create computer dating businesses.[57][59]

The longest running and most successful early computer dating business, both in terms of numbers of users and in terms of profits, was Dateline, which was started in the UK in 1965 by John Patterson. Patterson's business model was not fully legal, however. He was charged with fraud on several occasions for selling lists of the women who signed up for his service to men who were looking for prostitutes.[57] Dateline existed until Patterson's death from alcoholism in 1997, and during the early 1990s it was reported to be the most profitable computer dating company in the world.[57]

In the early 1980s in New York City, software developers wrote algorithms to match singles romantically, sometimes using collaborative filtering technologies.[60]

Compatibility algorithms and matching software are becoming increasingly sophisticated.[8]

Using the Internet

[edit]

Online dating services charge users a fee to post profiles, perhaps using video or still images, descriptive data, and personal preferences for dating, such as age range, hobbies, and so forth.

Online dating was a $2 billion per year industry, as of 2014, with an annual growth rate of 5%. The industry is dominated by a few large companies, such as EHarmony, Zoosk and InterActiveCorp, or IAC, which owns several brands including Match.com and OkCupid, and new entrants continue to emerge.[58] In 2019, Taimi, previously targeted to gay men, was re-introduced as a dating service for all LGBTQI+ people.

Online dating businesses are thriving financially, with growth in members, service offerings, and membership fees and many users renewing their accounts. However, the overall share of Internet traffic using online dating services in the U.S. has declined from 2003 (21% of all Internet users) to 2006 (10%).

While online dating has become more accepted, it retains a slight stigma.[61] After controversies such as the 2015 hacking of Ashley Madison user data, dating sites must work to convince users that they are safe places with quality members.[62]

There is widespread evidence that online dating has increased rapidly and is becoming "mainstream" with new websites appearing regularly.[63] One study suggested that 34% of men and 27% women have used the Internet for dating purposes,[64] and that American's willingness to try it has been on the rise[65][66]

Reports vary about the effectiveness of dating web sites to result in marriages or long–term relationships. Pew Research, based on a 2005 survey of 3,215 adults, estimated that three million Americans had entered into long-term relationships or marriage as a result of meeting on a dating web site.[67] While sites have touted marriage rates from 10% to 25%, sociologists and marriage researchers are highly skeptical that valid statistics underlie any such claims.[67]

The Pew study (see table) suggested the Internet was becoming increasingly prominent and accepted as a way to meet people for dates, although there were cautions about deception, the risk of violence,[40] and some concerns about stigmas.[40] The report suggested most people had positive experiences with online dating websites and felt they were excellent ways to meet more people.[40] The report also said that online daters tend to have more liberal social attitudes compared to the general population.[40]

Research from Berkeley University in California suggests a drop-off in interest after online daters meet face-to-face.[8] It is a lean medium not offering standard cues such as tone of voice, gestures, and facial expressions.[8] There is substantial data about online dating habits; for example, researchers believe that "the likelihood of a reply to a message sent by one online dater to another drops roughly 0.7 percent with every day that goes by".[8] Psychologist Lindsay Shaw Taylor found that even though people said they would be willing to date someone of a different race, that people tend to choose dates similar to themselves.[8]

Online website usage survey[40]
Estimate %
Internet users who've used it romantically 74%
Know somebody who found long-term partner via Internet 15%
Know someone who's used a dating website 31%
Know someone who's gone on a date after visiting a website 26%
Agree online dating can be dangerous 66%
Don't think online dating is dangerous 25%
Believe online dating is for those in "dire straits" 29%
Gone on a dating website 10%

There are dating applications or apps on mobile phones.[68]

Virtual dating incorporates elements of video-game play and dating. Users create avatars and spend time in virtual worlds in an attempt to meet other avatars with the purpose of meeting for potential dates.

Mobile dating or cellphone dating refers to exchanging text messages to express interest in others on the system. These may be web-based or online as well, depending on the company.

At a singles event, a group of singles are brought together to take part in various activities for the purposes of meeting new people. Events might include parties, workshops, and games. Many events are aimed at singles of particular affiliations, interests, or religions.[69]

Evaluation

[edit]

One of the main purposes of dating is for two or more people to evaluate one another's suitability as a long-term companion or spouse.[70] Often physical characteristics, personality, financial status, and other aspects of the involved persons are judged and, as a result, feelings can be hurt, and confidence shaken. Because of the uncertainty of the whole situation, the desire to be acceptable to the other person, and the possibility of rejection, dating can be very stressful for all parties involved. Some studies have shown that dating tends to be extremely difficult for people with social anxiety disorder.[71]

While some of what happens on a date is guided by an understanding of basic, unspoken rules, there is considerable room to experiment, and there are numerous sources of advice available.[8][72][73] Sources of advice include magazine articles,[3] self-help books, dating coaches, friends, and many other sources.[74][75][76] And the advice given can pertain to all facets of dating, including such aspects as where to go, what to say, what not to say, what to wear, how to end a date, how to flirt,[77] and differing approaches regarding first dates versus subsequent dates.[78] In addition, advice can apply to periods before a date, such as how to meet prospective partners,[73][78] as well as after a date, such as how to break off a relationship.[79][80][81][82][83][84]

There are now more than 350 businesses that offer dating coach services in the U.S., and the number of these businesses has surged since 2005.[85][needs update] Frequency of dating varies by person and situation; among singles actively seeking partners, 36% had been on no dates in the past three months, 13% had one date, 22% had two to four dates and 25% had five or more dates, according to a 2005 U.S. survey.[40]

Judi James, author of The Body Language Bible, suggests specific body language behaviors to note during a date:

The date's probably not going so well if they start to scan the room, drop eye contact, open their body to the room rather than concentrating on you, drink quickly in an effort to escape, increase their blink rate - which signals boredom or irritation - or start carrying out self-attack gestures such as lip-biting or nail-picking.

— Judi James in The Guardian, [86]

Love

[edit]

The prospect of love often entails anxiety, sometimes with a fear of commitment [87] and a fear of intimacy for persons of both sexes.[88] One woman said "being really intimate with someone in a committed sense is kind of threatening" and described love as "the most terrifying thing."[89] In her Psychology Today column, research scientist, columnist, and author Debby Herbenick compared it to a roller coaster:

There's something wonderful, I think, about taking chances on love and sex. ... Going out on a limb can be roller-coaster scary because none of us want to be rejected or to have our heart broken. But so what if that happens? I, for one, would rather fall flat on my face as I serenade my partner (off-key and all) in a bikini and a short little pool skirt than sit on the edge of the pool, dipping my toes in silence.

— [90]

One dating adviser agreed that love is risky and wrote that "There is truly only one real danger that we must concern ourselves with and that is closing our hearts to the possibility that love exists."[91]

Controversy

[edit]
Anthropologist Helen Fisher in 2008

What happens in the dating world can reflect larger currents within popular culture. For example, when the 1995 book The Rules appeared, it touched off media controversy about how men and women should relate to each other, with different positions taken by columnist Maureen Dowd of The New York Times[92] and British writer Kira Cochrane of The Guardian[93] and others.[94][95] It has even caused anthropologists such as Helen Fisher to suggest that dating is a game designed to "impress and capture" which is not about "honesty" but "novelty", "excitement" and even "danger", which can boost dopamine levels in the brain.[96] The subject of dating has spun off popular culture terms such as the friend zone which refers to a situation in which a dating relation evolves into a platonic non-sexual union.[97][98][99][100]

Dating violence

[edit]

According to one report, there was a 10% chance of violence between students happening between a boyfriend and girlfriend, sometimes described as "intimate partner violence", over a 12–month period.[101] A 2004 estimate was that 20% of U.S. high school girls aged 14–18 were "hit, slapped, shoved or forced into sexual activity".[102] Violence while dating isn't limited to any one culture or group or religion, but remains an issue in different countries[103] (It is usually the female who is the victim, but there have been cases where males have been hurt as well.). Sara McCorquodale suggests that women meeting strangers on dates meet initially in busy public places, share details of upcoming dates with friends or family so they know where they'll be and who they'll be with, avoid revealing one's surname or address, and conduct searches on them on the Internet prior to the date.[104] One advisor suggested: Don't leave drinks unattended; have an exit plan if things go badly; and ask a friend to call you on your cell phone an hour into the date to ask how it's going.[104]

Media

[edit]

Board games

[edit]

Mystery Date is a board game from the Milton Bradley Company, originally released in 1965 and reissued in 1970, 1999, and in 2005, whose object is to be ready for a date by acquiring three matching color-coded cards to assemble an outfit. The outfit must then match the outfit of the date at the "mystery door". If the player's outfit does not match the date behind the door, the door is closed, and play continues. The game has been mentioned, featured, or parodied in several popular films and television shows.

Television

[edit]

Numerous television reality and game shows, past and current, address dating. For example, the dating game shows The Dating Game first aired in 1965, while more modern shows in that genre include The Manhattan Dating Project (US Movie about Dating in New York City), Blind Date, The 5th Wheel, and The Bachelor and its spinoff series, in which a high degree of support and aids are provided to individuals seeking dates. These are described more fully here and in the related article on "reality game shows" that often include or motivate romantic episodes between players. Another category of dating-oriented reality TV shows involves matchmaking, such as Millionaire Matchmaker and Tough Love. A popular dating-themed TV show in the UK is Take Me Out.

See also

[edit]

References

[edit]
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Bibliography

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  • Sizer-Webb, Frances; Eleanor Noss DeBruyne; Linda Kelly DeBruyne (2000). Health: Making Life Choices. Glencoe/McGraw-Hill. pp. 499–500.
  • Dowell, Max (2014). Changing The Dating Game. Owlets Media.
  • Havelin, Kate (2000). Dating: What Is a Healthy Relationship?. Capstone Press.

Further reading

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  • Moira Weigel (2016). Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating. Farrar, Straus and Giroux. ISBN 978-0374182533.
  • Anna Brown (2020). "Nearly Half of U.S. Adults Say Dating Has Gotten Harder for Most People in the Last 10 Years". Pew Research Center. https://pewrsr.ch/3ldzwKm
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