Best funny jokes

Mom: Time to wake up and go to school! Son: No, I don’t wanna go to school today! Mom: But you have to go to school. Son: But, I don’t wanna go to school. Mom: Give me three good reasons why you should stay home, and I will give you three reasons why you need to go to school. Son:...

An elderly couple, Mildred and George, moved to Texas. George always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?” Mildred looked...

But after college one moves to Georgia and the other to California. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other. At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why Hooters?” “They...

A teacher asks her class a math question and one of her students gives her the wrong answer. The reason for his answer is priceless... - funny short story

His daughter wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father listened. “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Good bye Grandpa” The father asked, “Why did you say good bye Grandpa?” The little girl said “I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to say.” The...

The lizard looks up and says “Hey, what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint. Come up and join me.” So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey, and they have another joint. After a while, the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the...

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A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can't hear him. How bad is it? the doctor asks. I have no idea, the husband says. Well, please test her. Stand 20 feet away from her and say...

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