Learning to love and accept myself as i am

At 29 going on 30.. one evening, i sat in front of the tv with my dog.. In my almost perfect house, in my almost perfect life.. thinking, staring at the wall in front of me.. I just closed the door of our shop while my husband was still at work, he was the owner of the shop but also was the leader in a local diy-warehouse. We choose not to have kids (and got a dog instead) because we were both very ambitious and prioritised our education and jobs. You could easily call us both workaholics at that time in life. We worked our asses off because our 'main values' at that time were success, money, two shiny new germans on our driveway, and offcourse a minivan to deliver our supplies from the shop to our customers, we dressed up in fancy luxurious clothing, jewelry, watches, enjoyed five holidays or trips a year, eating out four times a week, inviting friends over to eat, went out clubbing and pubbing with the same ' 'friends' (i only discovered the meaning of a friend during my divorce when all of a sudden every single one of those "party, laugh and throw around your cash"-'friends' starting running in all possible directions but mine). I left my husband because of a thought that evening at home when i was 29 going on 30.. Is this it ?!? Is this all?!? Is this life?!? So i decided.to follow my intuition and my heart and told him i was leaving him to find happiness.. to find myself.. to find my reason to live and die for.. my purpose in life.. The past twelve years i went trough hell and back. I got divorced, married a narcisist.. my brother passed away.. during my second divorse.. i left my shop (first marriage), my own house (second), lost all my money and belongings and had to start from scratch two times.. Worst off all i lost myself and my self-worth and respect because i started to believe my two exes who kept repeating during my mariages and divorces that i wasn't worth a shit, nothing, zero.. When you first hear someone say something like that it goes in one ear and out of the other but when they keep repeating it for months, years, you start to doubt yourself and in the end you're convinced they were right.. I let them walk all over me.. i allowed them to break me and turn me into a mental wrack.. for a while.. Because of that in combination with losing my brother and them mentally terrorising me even at his funeral (my ex and i still lived both in our house because it wasn't sold yet so the day of the funeral he had hidden the carkeys and wasn't returning them which resulted in me ariving at the funeral during the very last song of the service... snow patrol.. shasing cars.. running through the isle and throwing myself on top of his coffin.. screaming, yelling that he was a fucker because he left us, me.. he promised he would always be there for me.. as long as i would live..) Two weeks later i got fired at my real estate job because i starting crying all the time when with customers.. i was a wrack.. Because our house was sold i became homeless, couldn"t rent another place because i had no job.. i got a 26 week non-payed punishment from unemployment service because my ex threw away the papers that i had to present myself there on different appointments and he had me "geschrapt van ambtswege" because he cheated on me several times and threated me like shit and i left him. Six months later my dad got ill, his lungs, so i took care of him together with my mum for three years and a half. The last 18 months he spent in a wheelchair on oxygen 24/7. Fathersdays 2017, he died with his head in my arms on my lab.. i had a few short relationships with guys, one kicked in my frontdoor two times when it was finished, threatened to burn me alive and cut me open, finish me off. He literally said several times he was going to kill me. The last ex threatened to jump off his balcony if i would leave, cut his wrists etc etc.. mental torture and blackmail.. to the extreme..but hey.. i'm still here.. I crawled though the mud with no sparkle of light anywere near.. but i am getting back up.. wiping the dust of my shoulders.. Out of all that shit i found positive things in every negative thing, i grew so much strongers, am 100% me.. Some call me crazy but i'm just me, i cry when i'm sad, laugh when i'm happy, i am very down to earth now and i enjoy all sort of things exept material things.. they can't by us happiness.. i have nothing besides my dog and my mom but i am the richest woman on earth because i am loving myself more day by day, little step by little step..i say no when i don't want to, yes when i do.. i am starting to speak up for myself, i don't let guys or people use me and my naitivity to abuse me. Little by little, day by day i grow to be my own best friend, my own superhero.. i have everything i need and more, everything besides money but i am rich, poor are those who have nothing but money.. Today i can say "i am truly happy", happy to have become who i am today despite all the hurt, tears, loss and pain i am growing stronger, happier, .. than i had ever been.. Thank you for that one thought that one evening when i was 29 going on 30, god!! Do i regret anything at all in my life?! Just that i never told my brother i loved him, but now he nows, im sure of that!! That's it, no other regrets, nothing else because every choice i made was my own decision at the time i made it. Thank you god for everything!!!